Hello Jue.
I’m so sorry for your loss of your dear husband and I do understand some of what you are feeling. I feel terrible that my husband died alone in a house he was working on. He died at work and never came home. I am tormented with guilt that he died alone and scared.
I just wanted to say to you two things
I worked for Marie curie and in my local hospice for a number of years and I really feel your dear husband passed away knowing that you were close to him and I’m sure he knew how much you loved him.
And the other thing I wanted to say was. .. if your roles were reversed
I’m sure you would know just how much your husband loved and cared for you and would understand the exhaustion that we all feel when someone we love so much is so unwell.
Actually there are three things. I truly believe that some people pass away when they are aware that they are alone. They do it to protect us. It’s something we used to discuss a lot when I worked at the hospice. Some people seemed to wait until their loved ones had gone out of the room.
I think we all have these awful flashbacks and terrible feelings of guilt because we love them so much.
Im sorry if my words are no help I just wanted to send you my love xxx