moving wasn't easy but I also had no choice.I know its hard to think of living somewhere he hasn't,but its absolutely not closing the door on him.Weigh it up against what the alternatives are.If you stay can you afford to eat and keep warm.What else might you have to give up just tovkeep afloat,because I,m pterry sure he would not have wanted you to have that kind of struggle either.My children were independent so I had to only consider my needs.I clung on for four months but all the time knowing I would have to go.It was a remote place.The winter before I had spent 7 weeks walking across fields to get too and from work because it was cut off.Bearable when there was a lit fire and him coming down to meet me with a torch,but on my own in the dark pretty dangerous with no one to know if I didn't make it home.There was also a lot of land i couldnt manage alone. So that was an issue as well as finance.
But I had the stuff from the house,and the garden.We had a kind of joke about me digging ponds.But he loved the main one and spent a lot of time sitting there.so first thing I did was re create that Perhaps not logical but I thought if he was in another place looking for me he would know when he saw the pond.I don't know what you believe but looking back I don't think I needed to do that I think if there is something more out there,they can still be with us wherever we are,but the pond was a way of saying I was thinking of him I guess.
There will always be what if questions,and understandably you want answers.Some you may get about the choice of hospital .Others probably not.There is no way to know the right hospital would have saved him if he went straight there.or if he would have done better in the Uk,because there may be know way to know where he would have been in the Uk.maybe at work and taken a fall or driving somewhere and crashed.Its easy to start blaming yourself too,so I hope you are not thinking you shouldn't have gone on holiday.
My husband had already had a stroke which had left him with some disabilies but this time he didn't get onto the stroke ward because it was full,so I wondered if the outcome might have been different. He didnt have the classic stroke symptoms that first time,he had a migraine that didnt go away,even the GP wasnt sure but i still blamed myself for not acting earlier But with the second one,I had just got back from my daughters wedding in south Africa. I hadnt wanted to leave him but he insisted so we agreed he would stay with his daughter. I wondered would I have got him to hospital sooner if I hadn't gone.Maybe,but that doesn't mean the outcome would have been different. I know its difficult and it takes time but at some point we do have to stop torturing ourselves,and accept those questions that just can't be answered.When I arrived at his daughters he said he wanted to go home ,I said we would but we should go to the hospital first just to check.I called the ambulance,and he never got to go home,so I tortured myself because I had denied his desire to go home.Then someone older and wiser on this forum pointed out that I would be doing the same if I hadn't because I would never have known whether there was anything they could have done.It made me stop and think and I came to realise whatever action we took we would always wonder whether the alternative would have changed anything.All we know for sure is that we acted the way we thought best at the time,because we can't see the future.