Struggling:
I think many people likely feel the same as you, in another topic entitled "A Really Bad day" I wrote last night, I ommitted to mention that I went into Hereford Cathedral while taking some walks yesterday, and sat in there for probably 45mins.
This is the 2nd time I've done that since my wife passed away, read into it what you will, what motivated me to do that? I don't know because as you gather from the above post I am a religious sceptic. The truth is of course.....deep down I think we all want to believe even people like you and I.
You mentioned your son claimed to have seen his Dad since his passing, well on the evening of the same day my wife passed away I thought I saw my wife too in our bedroom., but rather than repeat it again. Please take a read of my 1st post in this thread, it's on the 2nd page. It was this aberration which prompted me to post on this topic in the first place.
You say " I would happily turn to religion if there was a guarantee that I would see my darling husband again" sadly religion does not give any guarantee's, I remember being taught that much, it's about having self faith, a faith I don't have and doubt I ever will, I'm too much of a realist, but I do know you yourself have to want to believe, without any doubts.
Like you I envy people who have that faith a little, or do I? as religion is free, we don't have to buy it.
If you think it will help why not have a chat with your local vicar, it's a form of counselling like any other, plus there's Cruse and your own doctor who may also put you in touch with people who can help with how you are feeling. I went along just once and felt it didn't help me, but who knows, it certainly does no harm.
Your still young and have many years in front of you, I'm glad you have family around you, sadly I don't, other than my daughter who lives 240miles away but she's the only one who phones frequently, I'm 71 and an old fogey compared to you. It will be tough, and it's still raw at the moment but with time you will slowly cope better and the crying will occur less, but it will be a very slow process, it's been 5ths for me, and I still have bad days.
BTW "Never" feel silly when writing on here, think of this forum as a sanctuary, a safe place where you can say what YOU want to say openly, it's what makes this site so unique, no-one will judge you here, simply because we all are, or have gone through the same loss you have. I'm 71 and some days I cry like a baby....to some people it may sound ridiculous, but of course it's not something I tell others, but somehow especially in your case for your children's sake you do have to be strong and we have to try and forge a life out of what's left....but it will take time, a lot of time.
Also don't worry about talking to your husband....I talk to my wife Ann frequently, I tell her what I've been doing that day or news about the grand-children etc...anything really. My eldest son is 47....older than you...lol, my daughter is 40, and she is the only one who understands, as she misses her Mum terribly too, my 2 sons grieving finished at the funeral and I rarely ever see them or hear from them. They both have their own little worlds and families to keep them occupied and in reality never mention their Mum... it's almost as though she never existed...sad really.
As for religion, I think of it as a "State of Mind" if you think it might give you some comfort, then AIS who am I to deny you that, you have to do what you want to do......and as for Rambling on....I do that continually...lol...that's why my posts tend to be longer that others on here..
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You take care, I'm only a PM away if you ever want to speak to someone, and that applies to anyone else on here who have lost their wife or husband. Sometimes it's good to talk to someone who is going through the same as you.
I wish you much strength through this terribly sad time in your life.....in reality there is nothing worse.
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