Sending a welcome hug
Personally I found the emotions changed in intensity - the feelings would be so bad at the beginning it would feel physical pain. I found over time, sometimes the grief was harder than other times (so, it may be despair initially, then sadness another). Gradually over time easier days come between the bad days, until there are a few more easier days between the bad and the bad is not as painful. It can be so gradual it can be hard to notice. Sometimes keeping a diary/journal can help - reading back over the posts you realise/notice this change in intensity. I know some members have done that here, posting each day, and on a future bad day can sometimes remind you how far you've come on the journey already and give that glimmer of hope of the light at the end of the tunnel
Our losses change us, they never leave us and we will always have times we will miss our loved ones but gradually over time we can build life back up around us again, taking our loved ones with us (in memories, stories etc)
xx