My Wife passed 7 months ago

[Karena]

I am lucky I,be had two people in my life who i loved and who really loved me,some people never have that at all.

Keith's younger daughter and mine were at school together.He lost his wife to cancer ,they were actually on the same ward at one point.So naturally the two girls experiencing loss at 12 years old were drawn too each other,and so we became friends too,helping each other out with the girls sorting school runs braving parents evenings etc.But also being able to talk too each other,about what happened because there was no one else to talk too who understood. there was no counselling and no where like this to turn too.We both said we would never be with another partner because we would never want to go through grief again or put someone else through it.We remained friends for a long time before it became anything more, And we both knew that although we loved each other we didn't stop loving those we had lost,they would both always be with us.I,m 55 now and have no thoughts of ever going down that road again,but they both remain with me.
Anniversary's are difficult,but I and others here have found the anticipation was worse than the day itself.We handle it in different ways,some try and forget the date or fill it with distractions.I decided on the first one,also wedding anniversary, to just book the day off work and just go with the flow.The flow took me back to the river sending flowers.It kind of established that I was not going to pretend anniversary's wernt happening but to do something on each one to affirm them.I buy myself a birthday present and although I don't deny Christmas I have new rituals,based on pagan ones.I buy kids presents but other than that look in from the outside.Its not my party,but one I can be a guest at without any emotional attachment.You will find your way of coping with them but for now my advice would be take small steps and get through a day at a time because you are still at a stage where almost every day feels like an anniversary,but they are anniversary's of bad events,try and remember your wedding anniversary sad as you will be is also the anniversary of a good thing .

[Emz2014]

I'm feeling much healthier thanks Woody. My cold has mostly gone, just a little blowing of the nose here and there, and my ear syringe was successful - woohoo!  No more wax and no more having to oil my ear!!   I shall celebrate with sausage and chips tonight!!

Anniversaries are hard, i agree with Karena, the build up to them is often harder. The firsts are hard, the seconds are too in a slightly different way.  over time you'll find the right way to spend/mark those days and in time you'll be able to recall some happier memories too

How's your day been today? Xx

[WOODY]

Hi Emz, Sausage and chips, that sounds great and a very good way to celebrate getting over a cold, actually, it's good anytime.I love Toad-in-the-hole, I make large tins of it, cut it up into pieces and freeze it. Sometimes, I will have it for Sunday dinner with roast potatoes peas and gravy, other times I will have it during the week with chips and beans.
Quite enjoy cooking, well I have always done it, people ask if I am eating, yes I am eating, because, it gives me something to do, Janice, used to love the Sunday roast, that I cooked, I make all my own Yorkshires and Janice loved the crackling, when we had Pork, much to my annoyance, as I loved crackling, but since I had all my teeth out, I can't eat it anymore, we used to laugh, as Janice used to say this crackling is really nice yum yum.
Janice's mum, was Welsh and she always made Welsh cakes, we missed having these, after her mum passed away, so I got the recipe from a Welsh website, bought a proper Welsh iron griddle, my Welsh cakes have been passable, well everyone ate them, but I have never perfected them to Janice's mums level yet.
Sorry I seem to have turned this post into a cookery program, but you sausages and chips have made me hungry now.

[Karena]

Hmm welsh cakes.The site we used to stay when dolphin watching in wales had lots of regulars including a couple in a caravan.She used to make welscakes slaver them in butter and hand them out,another guy used to catch mackeral lots of them wrap them in foil and stick them on a BBQ also handed round.Sadly the site has now been taken over by the big company and filled with statics,but they were such good days.Welsh cakes have never tasted so good.I did once make scones that didn't rise and told Keith they were welshcakes.He must have known but never let on.

[WOODY]

Emz, Even my Granddaughters eat the Welsh cakes that I make and that is an achievement in itself, as they don't normally eat currants or raisins, when I have made buns, they sit there and pull all the currants out, but with Welsh cakes, for some reason, they eat them, doesn't make sense

[Emz2014]

Mmmm Welsh cakes. Now I'm hungry!  It's been a long time since I made Welsh cakes, I'm going to have to do it soon
Your toad in the hole idea sounds great! Never thought of putting chips and beans with it - that sounds good.  And never need to worry about talk changing to food - I love food! :-)

I'm really tired this morning, my dog had me up at 2am to go out and I found it so hard to get back to sleep, mind much too active, then up early with him again at 6:30.

Hope your day goes OK Woody.  Maybe try and change your routine a little today, see if it helps?  xx

[WOODY]

Hi Karena, Whereabouts in Wales, did you go to see the Dolphins ? They are amazing, did not know that there were so many to be seen in this country. My Granddaughter, went swimming with them, in America years ago, she loved every minute of it, she would love to see them in this country though.

I will have to see if I can find the photo, but Janice's mum went somewhere , where Harry Secombe was making a guest appearance, she had taken some Welsh cakes there and she offered to him, we have the photo, of him with the Welsh cakes.

[Emz2014]

I saw dolphins on a break to Brixham - they came into the cove/bay, looked like they were hunting fish.  Was so pleased I caught it on video on my camera
Often see seals down there, but that was a first for the dolphins :-) xx

[Karena]

New quay in cardigan bay is the best place.You can't swim with them though they're wild dolphins.and theres a strict protocol about not approaching them.There,s a resident pod,and some that pass through.You can take boat trips and quite often see them from the harbour wall even in the harbour.You can adopt one for  forty quid a year if you are ever struggling for a present for her.I adopted one for one of my grandsons,they get a newsletter and can track them through latest sightings on the web.I also kept up the adoption of one Keith adopted for me.I short term volunteer with monitoring,but cant do the full volunteering as i dont live there,soon as I retire,should that day ever arrive I,m going to do the full season.
Keith and I planned to move there,and live in a caravan on his pension and whatever seasonal work I could find,but obviousely that wasnt to be. Never thought in the first year I would be able to face going back,and the first time was really hard but I,m so glad now that I did, I feel he,s really close to me there.
I usually manage to get some kayaking in as well,even in September the water is lovely and warm.
 OK I exaggerate but warm enough .

[WOODY]

Hi Emz, That's fantastic, I would love to be able to take my Granddaughter's to see Dolphins in this country, maybe be next year perhaps, maybe, who knows

[WOODY]

Hi Karena, That sounds great, as I have just said to Emz, I would love to be able to take my Granddaughter's , to see them, in this country,
I would definitely not want to adopt one, as I haven't got anywhere to put it and could not afford to keep it supplied  with fish.
I will certainly keep it in mind, for maybe next year, the year after who knows.

Hope you have had a good day, my day has been OKish, had a few moments

What have you got planned for the weekend

[WOODY]

Well, another day, of my Groundhog Week, just starting. Last night, I found a bit easier, as I was on the FB Bereavement uk group, some lovely people there, helped quite a bit, being there, instead of my usual staring into space, wondering what to do, to get me through, I hate it when these days start, as I know what's coming, every week, it haunts me so much

[Karena]

  I wonder if it would help to do something different on one of the days to interrupt the groundhog effect.I know you struggle with going out but even setting yourself a task in the house that could divert your attention a bit.

I,be been to the nearest Halfords which is 30 miles away to get filler and paint for the campervan MOT is close so its time to tart the wheel arches up again.problem is its raining ( just by way of a change) I don't think tomorrow's forecast is much better either,so it might be a piecemeal job in my lunch hours next week.

I agree those dolphins take up a lot of room,I can hardly fit in the bath.Might have to dig a bigger pond.

[WOODY]

HI.
 Karena,
That would be a great idea, if only i can motivate myself into doing something different. i just gets a grip of me and i just go over and over those days again, even typing this now, its in my head, telling me, but i will try

Have you got a VW camper van ?  i have got a Renault Trafic minibus, which is factory converted for a wheelchair, has lowered floor and ramp etc.
I was contemplating part exchanging it , a couple of months ago , but one night, i just heard Janice saying over and over, " DON'T SELL THE VAN, DON'T SELL THE VAN " In the end i said ok i won't sell the van and she stopped. But the ironic thing is this, it was coming up for an MOT, so went to the little garage over the road, that always does the servicing and MOT's on it, when i booked it in for the MOT i asked Jason, the man who owns the garage, if he would have a look at the driver's seat, as the lever that raises the seat up, will not work and i really like the seat raised right up, so that i can just step into it without having to bend my legs, he said yes, we will have a look at it, i asked also, if he would check to see why the little yellow light, shaped like a spanner, is staying on, he said we will plug it into the computer and see what comes up.

Well, the following day, i took the user manual with me, to adjust the clock and set the radio, as the clock kept flashing and i could not get my favourite Capitol Gold on the radio.
Well, when i opened the door to get in, i thought i would just give the seat lever one more try, bearing in mind, it had not been working for months, i gave it a pull, and to my amazement, the seat went up, i was so pleased, then, when i got in, and started it, you would not believe it, the yellow service light went out as well, that had been on for sometime.

So, i can only put this down to Janice, she told me not to sell it, i agreed, so Janice made the seat work and the light go out, no other explanation, but i am so pleased and it flew through the MOT

[Karena]

No not a vw a Mazda Bongo,they're Japanese imports but occasionally you might see a ford Freda which is the same thing.
It was really funny when we got it.We decided we deserved a bit more comfort than thectent,so started looking.I spotted the bongos,but he wasn't keen,so one day we went to look at one he had taken a fancy too.It was a massive old thing with the wonderful brown tartan upholstery so reminiscent of the 70,s  but the roads round newquay are very narrow and I did all the driving,( no power steering) it really was an old bus.and the mileage was shocking plus it didn't do much to the gallon,so I outright refused,he wasn't best pleased.We left and drove down to the garden centre cafe to discuss it,and sitting in the car park was a Ford Freda." That's a nice little van " he said.
Argument won,we got a bongo and he loved it.But also had odd things happen,It broke down once and I was in a bit of a panic.I had pulled onto the side of the road.Then said ouloud what do I do now,and the voice in my head told me what to do,and sure enough it started and got me home.The heater was always a contest.He liked it hot and pointed too his feet,which meant it steamed up and I couldn't see.So I would put the window down and change it.But one day I was driving along the window went down all on its own and refused to go back up.So I got freezing cold and wet through,got where I was going but it wouldn't go back up.looked at the heater and it was set as he used to set it,no way had I done that and no one else had been in there.There was nothing to be done with the window so I drove back,pulled up and it went up also without me touching it.I know its the kind of thing he would think funny,so as revenge i made a headband for his hat,that i always keep in there with oink crochet flowersI have lost count of the number of feathers that have randomly turned up in there.Its more than just a vehicle though,there was an online forum for it and we had meets,so it became our social life too.It still is mine,although a lot of people have drifted away,and others changed vehicles we still have meet ups,usually 4 to 5 a year just weekends in Cumbria.but friends who have really helped me through this.Not afraid to talk about him,not afraid to have a laugh,I suoose because they were his friends too,and yet I,be never felt left out as happened with other people closer to home.Last year I went across there four days after the MOT and as I got onto the field,the air intake scope fell off

.I even feel that was divine intervention.Why at that moment and anywhere else i might have driven home and still been obvlious to what was going on behing it. There,s nothing bongo owner men like doing better than being under a bongo,and quickly established the cross member the intake had been attached too was rusted through where it had been.The radiator sits on it and had dropped.Anywhere else and I,d have been in real trouble,but they cabletied the radiator to the one above,and on Sunday I drove it home.( admittedly at 40 mph with lots of stops to check the ties) When I got a new cross member one of them even put it on for me.

I know not having the bongo won't change that,I can carry a tent get a train and someone would pick me up,but it wouldn't be the same,I don't think he would be with me in the way he is in the bongo.I will keep it going as long as possible but its 22 years old.