Author Topic: My Wife passed 7 months ago  (Read 30193 times)

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Offline Emz2014

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #30 on: July 05, 2017, 08:36:05 AM »
It truly does, I remember that so clearly.  I think it's better to concentrate on shorter timescales at the beginning,  don't worry about the future at this stage,  just think on daily /weekly - on a bad day maybe even hourly. Trying to predict the future, which our brains continually do, adds alot of fear and concerns. 
Its so painful but with great love comes these strong emotions. Sounds weird but I found that on some days when I accepted how I felt and didn't try to fight against it it seemed the extremely painful bits would pass quicker - so, if I felt really down I would 'accept' it, almost tell myself what I would tell a friend (that's understandable you feel that way etc) and then I'd do something comforting.  Some days I had a dvd day under a blanket on the duvet and didn't put any expectations on myself to feel any way in particular, ate comforting food etc
We can not imagine it but it will get easier to cope - but it often gradually starts happening without us realising.  I think that's where the 5 a day helps - they have found scientific backing for it - it changes the brains focus (I watched a really interesting Ted talk on that)
Think I might be rambling now - hope I'm making sense, am still a bit wooly headed today!
Sending a big hug  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #31 on: July 05, 2017, 09:08:27 AM »
Hi Emz,
No you were not rambling at all, all you said makes sense, just putting it into practice is the problem.
I thought, after I managed to get through watching the tennis, by telling Janice the scores, that I would be ok and be able to watch it, but no, that didn't happen, tried to watch it yesterday without success.
It's just so hard, trying to watch things, that you both enjoyed watching together, the same with meals, I think I have already said this, so sorry for repeating myself, I struggle to cook the meals, that I used to cook for both of us, I feel to guilty eating them, so many things. I try to think of things that Janice would hate eating, but can't think of anything, as we had the same tastes.
Sorry I am rambling now. Hope you are feeling better, looks a nice day for fence painting

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #32 on: July 05, 2017, 12:16:56 PM »
This is the words from Roy Orbison's song, IN DREAMS, But i think the words will mean so much to people.

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #33 on: July 05, 2017, 12:26:34 PM »
Sorry the size of the attachment in the previous post, came out far to big, so i have made it smaller and hope it works.
It is the words from, Roy Orbison's song  IN DREAMS, i think the words are wonderful and may have meaning for some people

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #34 on: July 05, 2017, 12:28:03 PM »
That's better it's readable now

Offline Emz2014

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #35 on: July 05, 2017, 06:38:31 PM »
They're lovely words :-)

Sometimes changing things can help for a while. Doesn't mean you can't go back to those things (and probably should later on the journey), but it may just be too raw right now.  It's not the same but I recall when I got divorced I found it was a very long time before I could watch a film again - as I had been used to watching films with someone, being able to talk about it during/after. Initially when I tried I would end up getting really upset/in tears.   In time I regained my love for films (and watch a ridiculous amount now - mostly on my own!)   It's not the same scenario, but an experience where I found that sometimes things are too raw to do familiar things. xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #36 on: July 05, 2017, 06:45:49 PM »
Hi Emz, The trouble with watching films on your own, especially Horror or spooky films is, when you are hiding behind the sofa, there is no one to tell you when the scary bits have finished  :evil:

Hope you are feeling better today

Offline Karena

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #37 on: July 06, 2017, 01:00:14 AM »
 :hug: I avoid the things I don't need to do and save my strength for things I do.So I don't watch certain programmes,or eat certain foods,I,m careful about what music I listen too,and have headphones permanently plugged in at work so  I can put on in case something comes on the radio at work.They are things I don't mind being deprived of but going back to south Africa,Going back to Dolphin watching,Going back to camping I didn't want to lose even if I had to do it alone now, so they're worth the fight.

Come to think of it I don't watch scary or sad films any more either,but I can just about cope with the darleks and my DVD shelf is lined with Disney films ( the excuse being I buy them for grandkids )..There is a song in led miserables  on my own I think the title is,but some of the lyrics in that I find relevant.I,all look it up tomorrow,right now its late and my eyes are not up too it.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #38 on: July 06, 2017, 07:47:05 AM »
I can't watch scary or spooky films alone. I'm not a big fan of scaring myself, I get that some people love the adrenaline rush, like extreme rollercoasters etc   but I just find them exhausting!  Lol.  And my imagination is way too active/vivid!
I think my cold is on its way out,  have woken feeling much more human today - yeay!
Hope you have a good day Woody xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #39 on: July 06, 2017, 07:57:04 AM »
Hi Karena, Janice, always loved sloppy and sad films, here favourite film is " Who will love my children " All the Christmas related films she loved. we never watched horror or scary films, Janice did not even like Harry Potter films.
Janice loved watching Emmerdale and Coronation street, ironically, l still have these programs on for her, I never really cared for them, so when they are on, I don't feel emotional about watching these programs, the tennis, however, is a different matter, as we both really enjoyed watching it, so I really can't watch that now, without Janice.

I have the radio on during the day, but there are records that are played, that have memories and it hurts to listen to them, also when someone rings in for a request for a birthday or a anniversary, that hurts, as I know that these dates are coming up and they are going to be very hard to deal with.

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #40 on: July 06, 2017, 08:03:06 AM »
Morning Emz, I think our posts must have crossed at the same time. If you see in my post, we never watched horror or scary films, Janice loved sloppy films, her favourite film was
" Who will love my children "  Janice, would not even watch Harry Potter films.

I am pleased that you are feeling better, have a good day

Offline Karena

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #41 on: July 06, 2017, 07:03:39 PM »
Sunday love songs used to get me,it always felt like people were telling their stories either :whistle: tragic or romantic and the DJ would take the Micky or say something innane just because he loves the sound of his own voice. I,be got back into the soaps now and tennis has never been on my horizon but I do understand how watching something you shared can be so painful.In the early days TV was just background noise better than silence.The first time I actually w atched anything with full attention was a David Attenburgh .For me the natural world has always been somewhere I can lose myself and take a break from other concerns.It also had a big role in my five a day,my poems,and later the online courses I have been doing,and somewhere I can be alone in terms of human company but not actually feel alone.
And no I wasn't born in the jungle and raised by wolves. :whistle:

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #42 on: July 06, 2017, 07:23:21 PM »
Tried to delete this post as I have attached the wrong poem, I have tried to delete it, but it's still there.
Hi Karena, Sorry, I am making a mess of things tonight, I think it's the heat, it's driving me nuts, I hate the heat, Janice hated the heat. I always say, When you are cold, you can always get warm, but when you are hot, nothing cools you down, unless you go to the North Pole, which at the moment, I am tempted to do.
Do you like the heat ?  Did not watch the tennis again today
« Last Edit: July 07, 2017, 09:08:51 PM by Karena »

Offline Karena

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #43 on: July 07, 2017, 10:00:37 PM »
I think I might have deleted the poem bit for you woody,not sure as I havnt done it before.
Funny you should ask about warm,I've just watched a clip of peter Kay I do like the heat,which is just as well as my eldest lives in south Africa,but I would quite like some sun to go with it,which we,he had very little of,just mugginess.


Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #44 on: July 07, 2017, 10:22:16 PM »
Hi Karena, Thank you for deleting it for me. The poem , that I wanted to post, is now, in the General topics section, think that's what it's called, you know what I mean. I have put it in the post under the Roy Orbison words, that I posted there the other day.

Well, the heat is still here, I have been waiting for it to either cool down, or rain all week, as I needed to go out to do things, like pay bills etc. The forecast said, that we were going to get rain or thunderstorms yesterday, none of these happened, as I thought , great so I had planned to go out yesterday, didn't happen, I just sweltered in the thirty plus degree heat. Well, today, I thought, well can't keep putting it off, so had to go out today, hated every minute of it, did what I had to do and could not wait to get in, which was not good, as I had left the blinds down and curtains closed, so it was horrible, coming in to darkness as well as silence and emptiness.

How have you been ? Hope you have had a good day, have you anything planned for the weekend

 

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