Author Topic: My Wife passed 7 months ago  (Read 30193 times)

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Offline Karena

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #15 on: July 01, 2017, 05:52:09 PM »
Both lovely poems.I think Janice's poem also applies to grief,saying I,m fine when you're really not.
I,m glad I made you laugh woody,as I did about the salesman.
Not everything is kept for that conversation though I keep rattling on too him now as well.

At our old house I dug a pond,it ended up being much deeper and bigger than planned but I,d over estimated the liner and it seemed silly to waste it.so I got everything ready and marked out then got up at dawn to start digging.When Keith got up it was well on the way,and when he came out with a mug of tea in the afternoon,to put it in his words he just saw a grt big crater with shovels of dirt coming out.Then I decided we needed a series of ponds and a waterfall,so it got to a point he would see me with a spade and say please don't dig another one.It became a bit of a joke,when someone rang he,d say she's probably digging a pond.After he died I had to move and ended up with a much smaller garden that had been neglected for eight years.I cleared a big area picked up the spade adressed the sky and said guess what i,m going to do.and all the time I was digging it I was thinking either you're watching and laughing or if you havnt located me yet you'll know,who dug it.

About a year before he died we lost a close friend,Dot. i stayed in touch with her husband and after keith died i mentioned i still talk too him.One night he rung me and said can you ask Keith to ask Dot where she put the scissors.
I guess I,m not the only daft one then ,and there will be others here who also still talk too our loved ones.

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #16 on: July 01, 2017, 06:14:35 PM »
Hi Karena,
I love the pond story, it has made me laugh so much, which i have not done for ages, you have such a great sense of humour.
I talk to Janice all the time, i don't know if i have said this before, but Janice is a spiritualist medium, she was a guest medium at several Spiritualist churches. All the kids were named at the Spiritualist church.

So, i know that Janice is around me, she is always giving me signs that she is around. A Friend of ours, who is a Staff nurse at a hospital in Newcastle, is also a spiritualist and i have often had a call from her phone, in the middle of the night and when i answer it, there is no one there, the following morning, she will ring me and say, my phone says i rang you last night, but i didn't as i was at work, i say " it's fine, as we both know, that it's Janice.

Sorry, if i have done the wrong thing here, i should not probably state my religious beliefs, as i have found that this upsets some people, i had quite a bad experience over this on another Group / forum, it was quite upsetting so i left. I don't want to offend anyone

Karena, Thank you so much for making me laugh again, you have really made my day. You should write a book with all these great stories in.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #17 on: July 01, 2017, 07:34:59 PM »
Well done Woody! Glad you're getting the hang of the forum  :smiley:
What a beautiful poem, certainly great talent there! And I agree with karena, can easily apply to grief too. That familiar mask we often put on amongst others to cope
I think it's ok for us to talk about our beliefs as long as we accept others may have their own belief  - we are all accepting here, people here have different beliefs and no-one expects anyone to change. I believe people here respect that peoples personal beliefs bring us alot of comfort on our journeys  :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Emz2014

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #18 on: July 01, 2017, 07:38:04 PM »
We have a discussion post about 'do you believe in the afterlife' (you'll see it at the top, in the general discussion section)  I've certainly had unusual things happen since I lost my dad xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #19 on: July 01, 2017, 07:55:51 PM »
Hi Emz,
Unfortunately, it was exactly that question, " Do you believe in the after life "  that was the cause of a problem in another group / forum, so i think i will give that thread a miss. It was very upsetting, the comments somebody made to me over this, that was why i left the group / forum. I know that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but this person was very nasty and the admin had to step in, over the posts that this person made.
I tell people, that is our belief, but i wont get into arguments about it and i also do not put my beliefs onto other people.


The two things never to argue about, politics and religion

Offline Karena

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #20 on: July 02, 2017, 09:26:01 PM »
 :hug:if you read through the posts there Woody you will see that there are different views but no nastiness,its mostly peoples experiences.Glad I was able to make you laugh again,Life is bad enough on this journey ,anything that can make us smile if only for a moment is good I think.
I used to do a five a day thing.Each day I had to find five good things.Not major things but little things,something a child said,someone saying good morning,a bird singing or a flower.
In trying to find them I found I had to look for them and so I was looking at the every day with different eyes and appreciating things I may have taken for granted in the past.Recalling them helped get me through the darker times.

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #21 on: July 02, 2017, 10:36:43 PM »
Hi Karena,
I look forward to reading your posts, they always cheer me up. For a minute, when you said five a day, I thought you meant smoking five a day, I thought, I am not starting that again, I gave it up 5 years ago, had smoked from the age of ten, probably a bit late in my life to pack it in, but I do feel better for it.
My standing joke for this, used to be, I packed up smoking, but thought I would only smoke after meals, but I was having 50 meals a day.

But I do like your five a day idea, it's a bit like I-spy, I suppose, but people don't seem to play that anymore, which is a shame. I like that I will certainly give it a try.
When you say about things a child says, here are a couple of stories, one of what our Granddaughter said and a child related story.

We were in a shop years ago, just before Christmas, the shop was packed, I was trying to make our way through to the door, I was pushing Janice in her manual wheelchair, when we got near to the entrance, there was a little girl standing by the door, she was about two years old, outside, was a very busy road, we were concerned, that she was going to run out, as she was on her own, Janice asked her, where her Mummy was, she did not know, we were calling out, " There is a little girl here, that has lost her Mummy, it was a long time before there was a response from the Mother, in the meantime, the little girl had a bag of Dolly mixtures, which you can imagine, were all sticky, but she took one out of the bag and put it in Janices mouth, straight away, I said " What have I told you about taking sweets from strange kids " It was just an instant thing and just a turnaround of what people normally say to their kids.
Right if you are still awake and I haven't bored you to much.
When our Daughter used to come and visit us when the Granddaughters were younger, we were both smoking then, but we would never smoke in front of them, so I had gone outside to have a smoke, all was well, until our Daughter opened the door to ask me something, unfortunately, one of the Granddaughters was standing behind her, and saw me smoking, when I came back in and sat down, she came over to me and asked me for something, I can't remember what it was, but she said, if I can't have it Grandad, then I am going to tell Nana that you smoke, we laughed so much about that, when they had gone home.
I will go now, as I don't want to bore you to much, thanks again Karena, I really enjoy your humour , thoughts and ideas

Offline Emz2014

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #22 on: July 03, 2017, 07:12:03 AM »
They're lovely memories  :hearts: :-) made me smile xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #23 on: July 03, 2017, 10:54:56 AM »
Hi Emz,
Thank you, I am pleased you enjoyed them.

Offline Karena

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #24 on: July 03, 2017, 07:58:52 PM »
 :hug: not at all boring its always good to share memory's like that.Actually five  day was I think the slogan for fruit and veg.but I,m quite good at that being a veggie.Plus as we all know strawberry tarts are  1 ,chips ,that's 2. Toffee apples 3 .see I,m more than halfway there and that's just for breakfast.
After Keith's funeral service which was at a little church down by the river,we gave everyone a daffodil to throw in,as the river flows through most of the places he had lived in throughout his life,but also because there were quite a few youngsters going to be there and we wanted them to remember him for the fun person he was rather than the tears of a funeral,and with kids and water there inevitably is.Afterwards I told the two eldest grandsons they could always send grandad a message or a present that way.What I had in mind was little notes or pictures closed into paper boats,or a flower.Being the mother of girls I hadn't factored in the boy effect at this time.A few months later we were walking across the fields and the youngest who was way to young to know any of this was with us.The boys all picked up some docked lambs tails and were running round trying to rub them on each other then wear them.They're harmless but don't look all that good and with visions of the well intended calling social services ,we told them they would have to leave them in the last field.At this point we were by the river and before we could catch up and work out what they were doing,the two eldest had lined the little one up and told him they needed to send Grandad a present and this how to do it.Sweet I know but I,m pretty sure Grandad would have been more than a little surprised at their gift choice.

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #25 on: July 03, 2017, 09:41:53 PM »
Hi Karena,
I am pleased that I did not bore you to much with the stories,
Been having a bad day today. Both Janice and myself, liked watching the tennis, but Janice, could never get the hang of the scoring, so every year I would have to tell her again, we used to laugh at this and it became a ritual.
Today, I thought, how can I possibly sit here and watch the tennis with out Janice, welll , I decided to watch the KVITOVA and LARSSON match, as I had already missed Andy Murray play, as I could not bring myself to watch it, so , I thought, well, I shall do the same as I do every year, I told Janice the scores all the way through the match, as I always have, it was very upsetting, but I managed to get through it, but it was very hard, this is going to be the problem now, it's our wedding anniversary in August and Janice's birthday in September, going to be very hard.
Sorry Karena, going to have to cut this short now

Offline Karena

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #26 on: July 04, 2017, 07:06:38 PM »
 :hug: It took me a while to get back to watching things we liked on TV and too this day I haven't watched eggheads.I think because he would be watching it when I got in from work,and CJ wound him up so I,d hear the shouts of what an idiot/pompous/stuck up/bighead before I got through the front door.Now I,m more inclined to hang around at work for longer,the go through the front door,put the kettle on then go straight into the garden with it so its not even on my radar.

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #27 on: July 04, 2017, 10:11:12 PM »
Hi Karena,
I hope you have had a good day. I have had a bit of a better day. Never watched the tennis today, could not bring myself to watch it.
It's so hard, with tv programs, not knowing what to watch, as either feeling guilty or getting upset watching them.
Janice used to have the tv on for most of the day, she enjoyed watching daytime tv and the soaps, so I tend to have the radio on most of the time, mainly Radio 2 somtimes Capital Gold.

I find the same with meals, I feel guilty about having some meals, as I know that Janice loved that particular meal, it's so very hard to know what to do.

When people talk about Heaven and Hell, I think this IS the hell, that we are in, we are left devastated at the loss of our loved one, we have all the stress of dealing with everything, the constant worry, the loneliness, silence and emptiness, it is never ending, it's like being on a treadmill, going round and round, I call it Groundhog week, as every day it's the same, no let up. sorry, I am having one of my bitter days today, one of the many many phases we have to go through.
Nice to talk again Karena, sorry if I have ranted a bit, but I feel very down at the moment. Hope you have a good day tomorrow

Offline Emz2014

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #28 on: July 04, 2017, 10:19:21 PM »
It's certainly a rollercoaster  :hug: be gentle with yourself on the down days.  It will get easier to cope in time, better days will creep in between the bad. Baby steps are best  :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline WOODY

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Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
« Reply #29 on: July 04, 2017, 10:48:34 PM »
Thank you Emz, but that light at the end of the tunnel, seems a very long way off, at the moment.

 

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