Author Topic: 9 months since my dad passed...  (Read 3543 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline laurela

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: +0/-0
9 months since my dad passed...
« on: April 05, 2017, 08:21:17 PM »
Hi everyone,

So as the title says, it's been 9 months since I lost my dad and it's still so hard. I'm reminded of him every day, and some days I forget he's gone and go to call him before I realise...
I've been on a waiting list for counselling but I guess the facilities are poor in my area because I haven't heard anything for months.  :sad:

Offline Emz2014

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1904
  • Karma: +130/-0
Re: 9 months since my dad passed...
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2017, 08:08:27 AM »
Sending a hug
Keep talking to us here, it'll help whilst you wait for counselling xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Newbie_F

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 10
  • Karma: +1/-0
Re: 9 months since my dad passed...
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2017, 07:34:41 AM »
Hi I lost my Dad 8 weeks ago. I went to the initial assessment for one-to-one counselling at Cruse Bereavement Counselling, which was very good for me. I'm also on the NHS waiting list for full sessions. I've been informed of a local service that you have to pay for which seems ok but in my situation I can't afford it so will wait to see how the free appointments go before I make a decision to go private. I made a request at Cruse to be seen before Father's Day - the counsellor noted it so hopefully they can fulfil my wishes.

In terms of group activities you're going to find some things work and some don't - it depends on the situation really. I went to a bereavement support group. It was full of people much older than me  :wchair: but I didn't mind so much as they all friendly and understood somewhat what I was going through (everyone's story is different). The organiser gave a talk about the grieving process, we had tea & cake/ chocolates and then she sat next to me for a nice chat (I spoke to other group members before & after the meeting too). It was lovely speaking to the organiser about my Dad - she said she had a good sense of his personality & character from our conversation. She asked to see a photo and when I showed her she said he had a warm face :heart:

I've had to cut out toxic friends out of my life so I'm really open to meeting to new people and hopefully making friends. In went to a Coffee Afternoon at my local library the other day, which was awful! Once again people there were elderly; which was not the prob - it was the fact not many people came up to speak to me :angry: The one person who bothered to chat to me (excluding librarian & the guy who offered me a drink + biscuit) was a lady who despite having good intentions was too nosy imo. She didn't really listen to what I was saying anyway -  kept repeating myself. This meeting was at the entrance of the library so it made me feel awkward and uncomfortable talking about my feeling in such an open environment. Coffee mornings/ afternoons are not intended to be bereavement support groups but I thought we would have more privacy. If you're ever invited to one (as suggested to me on a regular visit to the library where I had enquired about support groups in the area) then make sure you are aware what the set-up is so you know can be comfortable in safe confidential surroundings.

I may attend support groups hosted by Cruse and the paid counsellor I talked about earlier is hosting a Bereavement Tea free event. I think they'll be similar to the support group I went too. Hopefully they'll also be younger people there though, just because it's nice to talk to someone you're own age - most older people have lost partners and their parents have passed on a long time ago. It would be good to able to speak to someone going through the same situation as you but I don't really mind as long as they're welcoming :hearts:

Good luck with everything :hug:

Offline Karena

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2132
  • Karma: +145/-0
Re: 9 months since my dad passed...
« Reply #3 on: April 10, 2017, 01:00:41 PM »
Hi.
I went for breavement counselling through my GP,which was helpful although the first couple i felt like throwing in the towel afterwards as all i did was cry but i was glad i kept going. Different types of events suit different people it is a case of finding what works for you I dont think i would have attempted a group even if there had been one, (i attempted to join the local WI to alleviate loneliness but that was a disaster not to be repeated)
Having said that though i have been to a few group meets organised on here and enjoyed them and have made some good friends older and younger here, so keep an eye out for one near you. I,m in my mid fifties and losing my husband brought me too this site - but age doesnt really matter and even though it is more years since i lost my parents i do still remember how painful it was particularly losing my mum i still miss her.

Offline Newbie_F

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 10
  • Karma: +1/-0
Re: 9 months since my dad passed...
« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2017, 01:46:00 PM »
Karena, that's exactly what I was saying in my last message - age doesn't matter; it's more about the nature of the people you'll encounter through different group activities. For example in both the bereavement support group and the coffee afternoon meet-up (not specifically targeted for the bereaved) I went to, there were mostly people from an older generation than me but I was treated much better at the support group than the coffee/ tea chat event :coffeetoast:. The thing is just like you going to the Women's Institute I went to the library chat meeting as a way to combat loneliness. I also had the intention to meet people and hopefully form new friendships but I found that was also a "disaster never to be repeated" as I've previously-mentioned not many group members came up to me to chat except that one woman who was more concerned about how my mum was coping even though she doesn't know her (hence why I called her nosy! lol). Anyway I know I'll always miss my dad whether it's 9 months from now or many years in the future; but it's not even been 2 months since he passed so my grief is raw. I just thought I'd share my experiences with Laurela as it may be of some help and as I've already said her experiences may be different but it's best for her to enquire about the environment of any of these meetings so that she is fully aware of the situation in advance and not put herself in an uncomfortable situation like I did with regards to the coffee afternoon. I'll let you know how the Cruse Bereavement support groups go as well as the local Bereavement Tea event goes. I hope I'm able to meet some good people through this site regardless of age esp since my bereavement is so fresh; it would be nice to know I'm getting the same support others on this forum have received. :rainbow: Also, Laurella I hope we'll both be able to receive the NHS one-to-one counselling (my service is Cruse) very soon esp before Father's Day :candle:

Offline laurela

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: 9 months since my dad passed...
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2017, 11:23:59 PM »
Thanks everyone for your lovely responses. It's helpful to hear comforting words from people who are experiencing something similar. It's so difficult finding someone to talk to that kind of knows how I'm feeling because I'm only 22 and none of my friends have lost a parent before. I was just wondering: how do you find these support group events? Is there an online search or do I have to visit somewhere to find out? I think it would be helpful to talk to people that can really empathise with how I'm feeling. My dad was like my best friend - I would talk to him all the time about anything - so I'm feeling very lost without his guidance.

Offline Norma

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 585
  • Karma: +68/-0
Re: 9 months since my dad passed...
« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2017, 07:37:04 AM »
Sending you a massive.  :hug: Laurela youre so young to have lost the most important person in your life, but you know hun he will be always in you heart guiding you, he may not be there in person but believe me hun, he will always be watching  over you, please keep posting to us im sure you will find it helps xx
Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐

Offline Newbie_F

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 10
  • Karma: +1/-0
Re: 9 months since my dad passed...
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2017, 07:32:05 PM »
Thanks everyone for your lovely responses. It's helpful to hear comforting words from people who are experiencing something similar. It's so difficult finding someone to talk to that kind of knows how I'm feeling because I'm only 22 and none of my friends have lost a parent before. I was just wondering: how do you find these support group events? Is there an online search or do I have to visit somewhere to find out? I think it would be helpful to talk to people that can really empathise with how I'm feeling. My dad was like my best friend - I would talk to him all the time about anything - so I'm feeling very lost without his guidance.

I'm not as young as you but  I never thought I'd lose my dad in the early part of my 30s - we had so many good times ahead of us :cray: I understand what you mean about being lost without his guidance. It's been almost 10 weeks since he passed but I'm still trying to come to terms with my loss. I think we'll both get there in time.
In terms of support groups you could try Cruse (NHS) - I've only been to the initial one-to-one counselling meeting but I know they also host group sessions in the local area. The support group I went to (which was held in a church); I found out about via an online search. It was through that group; the organiser gave me contact details for a professional councellor. Now, I couldn't afford her one-to-one services but she informed me about a Bereavement Tea next week (hosted in a different church). I'm bearing in mind that it will probably have an older crowd again but unlike the Coffee Afternoon (held in a library) I attended at least the support group I went to was more private and full of people who are experiencing grief so it's less awkward. I'm planning on going to a Cruse support group in a fortnight - I hope it will have a variety of people there especially if they are more my age as I really want to start making friends and hopefully will start to move forward in my life.
Good luck with everything :hearts: