New year. New thread.

[Hubby]

Thanks Karena. The headache has eased off a bit today.

I coped pretty well with work and everything and didn't feel upset until about eight when I went for a bath when I had a bit of a sob. I think the bathroom is a bit if a trigger as that is where Margaret collapsed. Her toothbrush is still in the holder and hervpotions and lotions on the shelf. I can't bring myself to move them yet but I might try changing the flooring and getting some units later in the year to try and make it look a bit different.

Not a bad day

[Karena]

That must be really difficult.my stepdad collapsed and died in the kitchen and revamping it did help her live here afterwards but just take your time only you will know when it is right for you.I,m currently redoing that same kitchen it badly needs modernising but by retaining some of the character and fitting it in I,m hoping it will become  something she also would have loved.even in its modern form.

[Hubby]

Thanks Karena. Part of me wants to change everything to get rid of the triggers bun another part wants to keep everything as it is. If I do change it and that's the wrong decision there's no going back so I'm going to leave it for now.

Work was more of the same today (apart from bashing one of my fingers which is all bruised and throbbing now).

My big sob came after I got home when I saw an advert for valentines cards on telly. I was OK for a short time afterwards then I spotted some artificial roses on the windowsill. Margaret had been dropping hints hat she wanted some for her case so I ordered some really nice ones off the Internet for Valentine's Day last year. They are very realistic and Margaret was absolutely delighted with them. I remember joking with her saying "I won't have to buy roses ever again. They will last you till you die". I didn't know at the time that fresh roses probably would have as well.

That's me off again 

[Hubby]

Two not bad days grief wise. A bit of upset yesterday during counselling bit, other than that, I've muddled through the days without too much trouble.

I have had my biggest cooking disaster yet though. Due to a complete mess up defrosting the chicken for Tuesdays dinner I've managed to give me and my daughter food poisoning. A valuable lesson learned there.

[Karena]

Oh my goodness I hope you have both recovered.one of the advantages of not eating meat is less chance of me doing that otherwise I would probably have done.cooking for one has lead to me eating leftovers a lot,but its only really rice that could be dodgy and its not something I eat often.
  regarding the roses and valentines day.It isn't something that has been so poignant for me although I do have a cheeky card he made and a rose quartz heart shaped candle holder he got me before we were married.Neither of us made a big thing of it really,not that he wasn't romantic ,he was,but having been told by a daughter he should get me something he bought a sack of coal lit the fire and cooked lunch.Fortunately for me a sack of coal wasn't something I was going to keep and now not be able to part with.

[Hubby]

Thanks Karena. Were over the food poisoning but it was pretty bad for a couple of days. I shan't be making that mistake again.

Friday was a bit same old, samr old. Work home bit if a cry, bed. That's become a bit of a standard for a working day.

The weekend was the BUK meet at Birmingham. I had a bit of a flutter on Saturday morning as I started thinking I would much rather have been sat doing nothing with Margaret over the weekend. I am glad I went though as I had a lovely time with a wonderful bunch of people.

I've had quite a bit of a cry tonight. I think it's a combination of the come down from being pretty drunk on Saturday night and my youngest telling me that she and her fiancée are going to be looking into buying their own home. Even though I only see them once a week now I will feel much more alone if they move from next door but I can't expect them to put their lives on hold for me.

Early night I think.

[Emz2014]

Glad you're feeling better after your food poisoning, not a fun experience 

And glad you enjoyed the meet, they really are a tonic.  Can be a weird come down afterwards, like you describe, kind of a happy sad.  I used to get that when my dad and sister would come over for the weekend - when it was over would always be sad but have the happy moments that had just happened.  I found by allowing the sadness, doing something nice/TLC and concentrating on the good elements helped me xx

[Hubby]

Thanks emz.

I've had the day from hell today. I was upset when I woke but thought work would turn it around. It didn't. I just couldn't get motivated and couldn't distract myself. It all led up to me sitting in my van after lunch in floods of tears. Someone saw me and next thing one of the bosses had me in a quiet office going through the talk on the counselling service work provides.

It wasn't all grief that had me crying. I just allowed lots of different things to overwhelm me instead of looking at them singly though it was easier to deal with 'stuff' when Margaret was here to support me.

In other news the gas men have started on my central heatin and now I have no heating apart from a tiny fan heater they left me. I don't think it's going to cope with a night like last night. It was -3 this morning. 

[Karena]

  I recognise the post meet thing not just our meets but after camping meets.I think its like post holiday blues that lots of people have,but where they have been away and returned together or come home and shared what happened,we are faced with the grim reality that the person we would have shared with isn't here,and somehow no one else knows us well enough to understand what we are talking about.
I know we want our children to move forward in life and take the opportunity's they can,yet it also hurts when they do.crazy isn't it.

[Hubby]

Thanks Karen's. I didn't have a post meet come down after Leeds but I've got other stuff going on so I think it's just a combination of things getting me down.

I was really upset this morning and had a fair few difficult moments in work, though not as bad as yesterday. The central heating job is starting to annoy me now. I stil have no heating, the house is a tip and there's dust everywhere. The quality of the work isn't what I expect either particularly as I reckon British Gas are charging me quite a bit more than I could have had the job done for. Margaret would have sorted them out but I just want the job done now and them out of the way.

[Karena]

It seems to have been going on for ages now,sounds like you're a bit like me with these things don't complain don't have a go and people think its OK to take the Micky.I hope it gets fixed soon,worse time of year for it.

[Hubby]

Thanks Karena. I have central heating now. There were a few leaks when they first filled the system but everything seems to be working as it should. I'm glad they are gone. Now I can try to get the house back to its usual state if untidiness.

I was off work today but went in first thing to disconnect a fire alarm for some contractors. I was quite upset on the drive there and that must have distracted me from the job because I got a call when I got home saying the alarm had gone off. When I checked I had disconnected the wrong area. 

Goes to show that while work can distract me from grief it also works the other way round.

[Karena]

  it can..until a couple of years ago i my job was split between graphics and dispatch.I had been doing dispatch for 9 years so on autopilot never made mistakes like I did  after,sent invoices to wrong person,and sent an order out with CD,s that hadn't been written.I did go back too soon,and didn't get into trouble over it,but potentially could have been a buggy with the invoices if they had been big company's who were competitors,Fortunately they were university's teaching the same course.same software,same prices.

[Hubby]

Doesn't it make you want to kick yourself when you make basic mistakes like that?

Today's not been too bad. Not my best day by far but mainly bearable and definitely my best day this week. I still can't get motivated though. The house is an absolute tip but I just didn't feel like doing anything when I got home from work.

I joined Facebook at the weekend but I'm not really sure how it works yet. There's one bit where you can see what other people have posted. One if my daughters posted a picture of herself with my wife, me and my other daughter at Margarets 50th birthday party. That was a bit of a shock when I dyddenly saw it on my phone. One of those happy memories that prompts a few tears. 

[Karena]

That's happened to me a few times,peoples from camping club mostly putting pics up from old meets that he is on.the worst time wasnt fb though but a TV series about the village I live in now.Also where I work so he used to come over at lunchtime and we would go for a coffee.He wasn't in the programme but walking across the road it was in the opening credits.First time it was a shock but then bizarley I went and tortured myself by watching it every week looking for him.Glad in a way I don't have recording TV or I might be tempted to do it all again.