Hi Jeanette and welcome, sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad, quite a few of us on here who lost their partner or a close loved one this year will also be dreading this Xmas I'm sure, I too will be glad to get through Xmas. I lost my wife after 49yrs marriage in April and Xmas just won't seem the same which is what you will feel too.
It's still raw for you Jeanette, you cannot rush the grieving process, time is the only thing that eases that inner pain, it can take a very long time indeed especially when it's someone very close to you. Some of us will never really recover from what's happened, but we have to try, in your case for the sake of your 2 children this Xmas. It will be a struggle, but with time we learn how to cope with our emotions a little better. On Jan 4th it will be exactly 9mths since Ann my wife passed away suddenly and I'm just about managing to get through most of the week without having a crying session, I don't think I've managed a whole week yet and I'm almost 72.
If you feel like a good cry, then let it out, I'm doing it less frequently now but various things will trigger it off, give yourself time to grieve Jeanette, my daughter Jo who is 40 came up the weekend from Cornwall to visit and she still cry's for her Mum and AIS it's almost 9mths. It will be tough this Xmas for many of us, it should be a time of joy, but for many of us we will be trying to suppress the pain we feel inside, hopefully we all manage to get through it and it turns out not to be as bad as we expected.
Wishing you strength at this difficult time...
Best wishes...... Brian