Hi,
My Mum died a week ago. She had had dementia for a few years and she hadn't really been my mum for years, but she died incredibly fast with a chest infection.
As my mum hadn't recognised me for years, and had had a complete personality transformation (not for the better) I thought I'd feel relieved when she went. As it is, I feel nothing at all. My Dad is devastated. I just feel like the depression I have suffered from since my sister died a few years ago is back worse then it ever has been before. My head feels black. All I do is beat myself up about everything I am doing.
I went to the doctor last week and got written off work for a week because I just could not face it. I don't feel any better now though, and I have no idea what to do. I can't go back to work, but I can't stay off forever either. Maybe it'll do my good to go back and to pretend to be normal, or maybe the anger and irritation I feel at everything right now means work is not the best place for me. I have no idea what to do for the best. I have no idea who even to ask for advice. I could try and see the doctor again but am I wasting her time, and will she tell me just to go back to work? And will I even be able to get an appointment? Do I just need to get on with it? Am I being self absorbed by just wallowing?
I'm not even sure if the obsessive worry about whether I need to be back at work is real or if it's just more mentally convenient than having to think about my Mum and how my Dad is coping.
I have no idea what to think, or do, or who to ask for any help, hence the post. Would appreciate any advice if anyone has any.