Welcome Pat, so sorry to hear about your husband Ron, it's ironic because I've had 4 heart attacks myself, though in recent years my health has improved, but it was always assumed I would naturally go first, our family thought so too, and in some ways I wish it had been that way....but things often don't happen the way you expect. I lost my wife suddenly to lung cancer 5mths ago, there is a hospital SIRI investigation taking place at the moment (serious incident requiring investigation) the CQC (Care Quality Commission) who are the government hospital inspectors are also involved, but AYS this is not the place to air it. It wasn't my wife's time either, but is there ever a right time...of course not.
I'm pleased to hear your family have been there for you during this sad time, (I wish I could say the same) in fairness my daughter is the only one who keeps in touch with me, it's unfortunate she lives 240 miles away.
Life can seem so cruel sometimes Pat, how we can go from being extremely happy with that person we love more than anything else in the world, to a life of emptiness, and loneliness with days filled with sadness and tears. That feeling where you think nothing matters any more, many will sympathise but unless you have lost your husband or wife they simply have no idea how we really feel.....there's nothing worse.
If you want to scream Pat....then go ahead and scream, all married couples have the odd moan at each other, we did occasionally, and we were married 49yrs, so like you and Ron we didn't quite make that magic 50 either, but there's not a minute goes by when I don't miss her. Physically I'm coping, well the best I can...but like you, emotionally... well that's something else, when my wife's life finished I feel mine did too, and I'm sure you know that feeling Pat.
However, somehow we have to go on, and it is hard....very hard....some days worse than others, but we have to continue trying.
Have strength Pat and accept this little hug from me. You take care, and sometimes talking about it to others does help a little.