Saying hello, but feeling shy

[angela33]

Hi there, feel a bit scared about jumping into this pool. My husband died last December and I am struggling and managing on a day by day, minute by minute basis.  My mother, father and brother died during the past 10 years and we had no children, so I have no family to turn to but do have good friends, so it could be worse. But sometimes, I just want to know there are people out there who know just how awful this grieving process can be - don't think you ever understand it until its happened to you. My husband and I were together for 34 years and I am 68

[Norma]

Sending you a warm welcome hug Angela xx

 

You will find a welcome here, we have all lost loved ones, albeit at different stages of our journey, thats how we can help and support each other through our worst days. Xxx

[longedge]

Hello Angela,
You are so right when you say that people can't understand until it has happened to them but having said that, people are kind and they do try. Sometimes in trying they can say things that feel hurtful but when that happens I always remind myself that it is meant well. I'm sorry that you don't have close family to turn to but I know from my own experience and from what I've seen in support groups that sometimes friends can be more help than family. I'm lucky and have both good friends and family but even so I have some really rocky times and like you just manage somehow from day to day.

Keep coming back and hopefully you'll find a little comfort.

[Emz2014]

  sending a welcome hug xx

[Hubby]

Welcome to the forum Angela. So sorry to hear of your loss.

How right you are when you say we don't undeestand until it happens to us. I used to think grieving was over in about a fortnight. That's the impression I got from people who had lost someone putting a brave face on and I had absolutely no idea of what they were going through behind closed doors. I know now.

Don't be scared of the forum. Everyone on here knows how long the journey is and the setbacks we suffer. You will find they are very caring and supportive.

Wishing you strength.

 

[angela33]

Eight and a half months since my husband died and I thought I was beginning to steady out a little and finding my way (a little) but this morning, I am lost in crying - hard, ugly, face contorting, snotty sobbing tears as yet another level of realising that John is gone for ever hits me like a wave and rocks me to my core. In this state, it feels impossible to imagine ever feeling calm, 'normal' and fully part of life again. I know it is said that you only receive levels of pain or difficulty that your body is able to cope with but today's deluge is almost too much. Anybody out there been here?  Did you find your way?

[Norma]

Hi Angela, sorry youre having a bad day, true what you say about feeling okay and then wham the sledghamner comes and knocks the stuffing out of us, but you know hun eight and a half months is no time at all, im nearly two years on now and i still have my bad days, some really bad some not so bad, but none of them as ferocious as in the early days, please dont expect too much of yourself, take small steps, you will notice yourself going longer without breaking down, i promise you the pain will get easier to bear. Xxx

 

[longedge]

Anybody out there been here?

Not half! I find myself in absolute depths of despair thinking all sorts of dark thoughts like last night at 3am sitting looking out of the window, or rather trying to look through the tears but then this morning I've been to see my brother and sister in law and driving back home I found myself whistling along to a tune in my head feeling quite OK. The peaks and troughs that we all suffer are indescribable and can't be understood by people who haven't been where we are.

[Emz2014]

I remember those bad days, where it hurt so much it felt like a physical pain.  It does get easier to cope, but it happens steadily over time  like norma said, little steps, and dont worry if it seems one step forward, two steps back sometimes, you're just steadily taking little steps xx

[Norma]

That is so true longedge, the amount of different emotions we can experience in one day, anyone who havent walked in our shoes could never understand. Angela i hope youre feeling less distraught today hun xx

[sue smith]

Hello Angela,  you and I are the same age,  I understand it's a difficult age, we have been with our husbands for such a long time and suddenly alone.  I do have family but that doesn't take away the feeling of being on my own.  I am nearly 6 years into my new life, I remember the first days of utter despair which then turned into days of tears, 24 hours a day.  Now I am OK,  miss my husband every day but have a new routine to my life and I cope with it all,  it's a new kind of coping and it doesn't ever take away memories or love but it does let me get through the days.  I still have very down days but I think I always will - and that's OK really because how could you love someone and live with them for so long and not miss them.  I hope you find the peace on this site that it gave me xx

[Hubby]

hard, ugly, face contorting, snotty sobbing tears

A perfect description of what we do behind closed doors before putting the mask back on and telling people we are coping/getting by/muddling through. Grief is hard