Author Topic: Just lost my mum and broken  (Read 225 times)

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Offline J

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Just lost my mum and broken
« on: February 20, 2022, 03:44:57 PM »
I lost my mum on Friday.
 
She was very unwell with advanced kidney disease and other issues and struggling a long time.

I donít live nearby. I tried to phone her in Thursday with no response and neighbours had to go in and found her on the bathroom floor delirious prob there for two days. She was crying in pain she. They tried to open the door but couldnít as she was leaning against it.

I went to see her in hospital and talked to her and held her hand but she tried to talk back and couldnít.

I feel so guilty I didnít go down to see her as I normally do on Monday. I am recovering from shingles. I feel terrible I didnít get her out of that house living on her own but she was so resistant to change.

I am not coping. I am an only child and have no family except my husband who is struggling himself. I just donít know how I am going to get through the next few moths, my dad died very suddenly on holiday when he was 60. 

I go from periods of sobbing uncontrollably as if my heart would break  to laughing at a Facebook post.

I started a new job in jan and after a month there was off with shingles and now this so an added pressure.

I am just so so sad and canít believe I will never see her or speak to her again.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Just lost my mum and broken
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2022, 11:29:30 PM »
Hello, I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I don't think there is anything more difficult than the loss of your mum. No one can replace a mum. The circumstances you describe will only have made this harder and more painful and you are bound to be feeling guilty, but honestly, no matter what the circumstances, I can assure you, we can all find something to feel guilty about when we lose someone. The truth is you can't see into the future and can not know what will happen. We all go through a series of 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'. Life however just isn't like that, so please try not to blame yourself. Nothing ever goes as we might have wanted unfortunately.

I am not surprised to hear that you are both crying and finding things to laugh at. Your loss is so recent, you will still be in shock and will still be trying to take in what has happened. It is normal to be so emotionally confused in these circumstances. It is a long and difficult road to travel to find your way through grief and there is no right nor wrong way to do it. It is different for each of us.

It is not unusual to feel you are not coping at all either. No one could expect you to so soon after such a devastating blow. All you can do it take things one day or one hour or even one moment at a time. Try to be kind to yourself and try not to be self-critical. You have had a terrible shock and it will take time to adjust to that and find a way to live with it. I think really, it is something we spend the rest of our lives learning to adapt to. There will be good and bad days as you do, but eventually the better days will start to outnumber the bad ones.

Sending you a hug  :hug:

 

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