Author Topic: Losing My Parents  (Read 366 times)

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Offline Confetti

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Losing My Parents
« on: January 03, 2022, 12:10:17 AM »
Hello everybody,
I lost both of my parents in 2020. My dad died at the age of 52 in January and my mum at the age of 48 in November.
I am 26 years old and am now the guardian of my two teenage brothers.
Both deaths were unexpected and sudden so I think Iíve spent the last two years in a constant state of shock but itís starting to wear off. I have a constant heaviness with every move I make ó or even if Iím not moving. It feels like there is a physical hole in my body where somebody has taken something from me.
Iíve completely lost myself. I feel like my life is spiralling out of control and itís too late to stop it. When I envision how I feel, itís like Iím trying to grab hold of something but I canít quite get my hands on it.
Does anybody have any advice on how to start feeling like myself and getting my life in order again?

Offline Dave Administrator

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Re: Losing My Parents
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2022, 06:37:21 PM »
Hi Confetti and welcome.

This post made me very sad to read and my heart truly goes out to you for all your tragic losses.

This forum suffered from an unexplained closure for weeks until I sussed what had caused it, but sadly all the members thinking it was permanent left here.

So to get the support you really need please join my award winning Facebook group so I can be sure you get all the help in the world from the nicest caring people you could wish for at this very sad time for you.

Dave forum owner.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1566851883557388/
Take care and please keep posting however small or large you can manage, we need them.

Offline SarahB

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Re: Losing My Parents
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2022, 12:26:26 AM »
Hi there

It's really nice (sorry it's under the circumstances) to see a new post.

I'm in the same position and have lost both my parents too. My Dad was 52 and my Mum was 69. I lost them in 1999 and  2019 respectively.  I feel alone in the world and have little to no support. I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through.

The only advice that I can give is that you take it step by step.  To have lost both in such a short period of time will have taken such a toll on your system that you cannot and should not be expected to feel normal. You do what you can at your own pace and no one else's. If you're too exhausted to do anything you don't have to and I will give you the advice I was given at the time - you must must must be kind to yourself. If that means sitting on the couch eating chocolate do it, if it means walking in the sun with your dog, do it - do whatever feels right for you.

I'd really love to know where everyone on the forum went, but I'm here. If you'd like to message me about any of your feelings please do, I'm here for you. I can promise you that every emotion you are feeling now is normal for you. Please just keep talking and know you aren't alone.

Much love to you

Sarah

Offline Dave Administrator

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Re: Losing My Parents
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2022, 12:48:07 AM »
I'd really love to know where everyone on the forum went, but I'm here. If you'd like to message me about any of your feelings please do, I'm here for you. I can promise you that every emotion you are feeling now is normal for you. Please just keep talking and know you aren't alone.

Much love to you

Sarah

What a lovely reply Sarah, thank you so much for taking the time to support Confetti........and yes I wish too I knew where everyone went,,how sad after 21 years of great success supporting grieving people for this to happen.
Take care and please keep posting however small or large you can manage, we need them.

Offline Pep

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Re: Losing My Parents
« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2022, 09:26:10 PM »
Hiya Confetti

I joined this forum 18 months ago as i was going through a rough time. I was experiencing delayed grieving after losing my dad and sisters from cancer between the ages of 10 and 24. Im 42 now. Then in june last year lost my mother, again to cancer.

I know right!

This forum has helped me very much. Just by posting random thoughts and feelings will help you get things off your mind. Not forgotten, but a release. You can express yourself and you wont be judged. Even if you get no replies, be assured there are people reading who understand that are going through the same pain.

Although you and your younger brothers are traumatised by losing your parents, you will all be grieving differently because you all have different memories and experiences so just be conscious of that.

For me, even trying to open up to my brother was difficult although we have lost the same. So i found myself a counsellor and she has helped me more than i could ever imagine.

So you have come to the right place for grief support. We are all very friendly here :grin:

Stay Strong. Please keep posting.

Pep

Offline Dave Administrator

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Re: Losing My Parents
« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2022, 09:37:53 PM »

So you have come to the right place for grief support. We are all very friendly here :grin:

Stay Strong. Please keep posting.

Pep

Thanks for offering your support Pep, very wise words, and you know how much it means to see others here care about each others feelings too.
Take care and please keep posting however small or large you can manage, we need them.

Offline Norma

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Re: Losing My Parents
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2022, 12:36:02 PM »
So sorry to hear of the loss of both your parents in such a short time, I canít imagine the trauma it has caused you, it seems to me you havenít had the time to grieve properly because of the situation you are now in being the guardian of your 2 siblings, seems youíre trying to keep strong for them. But trust me itís okay to grieve with them, you donít have to be strong for them all the time, you matter as well xx
Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Losing My Parents
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2022, 06:32:55 PM »
So very sorry to hear you have lost both your parents at such young ages and in such a short time of one another. I think it is the hardest thing to lose someone so close to you and with the added responsibility of needing to be there for your young brothers, this burden must weigh even more heavily on you. Sadly, loss is such a momentous thing that I found I could never be the same old me again and had to get used to the person losing both my parents has made of me. Some days are harder than others and this time of year is harder than most also.

As many here will say, it's not a matter of getting 'over' it, but more a matter of learning to live with it and accepting that this has changed you and that you will not be the person you were anymore. Time does make it easier as acceptance sinks in, but the loss will always be part of you, but then so will all your happy memories of being together and this can help make you stronger. I find we carry those we have lost with us daily in our heart and much as we miss them, have to slowly move forwards, one day or one moment at a time. I am sure you will still hear the words of advice your pareents might have given you in your head when you need it.

Your world is changed and it can't change back, but you can move forward and learn how to be the new you on that road. As others have already said, we understand here just what you and your brothers are going through. Be kind to yourself and to eachother. Find the little things to do do that help you along it. Walking in the park, or having flowers around, looking at photos - whatever helps you. Maybe when you are all strong enough, make time to do something to remember your mum and dad together and celebrate the time you all had with them.

You can't shut out the loss, but you can make this easier on yourself by listening to your own needs and doing what helps you feel better, one step at a time.

Wishing you all well.  :hug: :hug:

 

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