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It Gets Better & Worse!

Started by Ian Haines, July 08, 2021, 02:10:28 AM

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Ian Haines

No matter how many years pass, since Lin's death, I can still hold my hand over my broken heart and say that my emotional state can get really strong, very functional and my life seems to have times during which it is brighter, in some ways.  However, if I put a certain film (from quite a number of films) on, or hear a certain piece of music (from quite a number of pieces), it's yesterday once more, and I'm crushed!

The films I can't bear to watch, because they reduce me to deep and hysterical crying fit, are many, such as: "Signs"; "What Dreams May Come"; "Ladyhawke"...etc..  That "What Dreams May Come" movie utterly destroys me and there are even times when I can't even pick it up to move it to somewhere else. 

Some bereaved people are, indeed, cursed never to completely recover.  Maybe, that's me describing a virtue, the inability to ever completely dismiss the dead of our lives...because, they were simply too crucial to our lives, while they lived!

One thing that I will always hold to, though, is: "NEVER LET THEM GO!"  Honour them by making them know (where they are, over there) that...for you, they will always be around.  Then, set about building something - ANYTHING - in their honour!


Hi and welcome to the forum.
Firstly an apology. your post has not showed up in the approve post area - we have had a few admin problems recently with an upgrade from the proum providers  and now it seems another.

You are correct i think - it isn't the same for everyone no grief is identical just as no relationship is, but i dont think there is ever a time when we no longer grieve and my solution has been to take my husband forward with me rather than try leaving him/us behind.
I havnt been out anywhere  for a long time  (who has) and working from home hasnt helped with that so today was something to look forward too   Today is the birthday of two of my grandchildren - cousins - years apart same date but to celebrate the youngest ones birthday - (he never met her) i went to a farm park where we used to take the oldest one when he was little. chamge number one was - i didn't really  link into it initially - there are not infinite numbers of places open for children in the area where you can be outdoors and have something else  to entertain them as well,  but in earlier times i would have been much more aware of it and  worried about going back somewhere we went together in case i got upset maybe even swerved it

Then  while getting a picnic together  i had the radio on - and our wedding first dance song came on  (  eric clapton wonderful tonight ) -i  went out to get something came back inside  and it had changed to "nothing else matters" (metalica) another significant song.
Where at one time it would have had me in tears i  thought if there is some message to be had, its remember when we used to go there in a happy way because they are happy memories - dont make them sad ones , and have a nice day out.

Thats not to say those songs and others couldn't still upset me on a bad day either, they could, but i dont fear those reminders or stop listening to music "just in case"  the way i used too because i have grown to understand that grief is part of me and who i am now and  that includes getting upset, feeling lonely and all that goes with grieving  sometimes. The difference is i can cope with that when it happens now as well either by simply affirming the situation or  taking a positive message or one of support or guidance from it rather than think about what i have lost think about what i was given if that makes sense.