Author Topic: Introducing myself  (Read 711 times)

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Offline Rod

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Introducing myself
« on: February 09, 2021, 09:36:42 PM »
Hi Iím Rod. I lost my wife last year. I cared for her for3 years and even when she was admitted to a hospice I was in denial and couldnít believe that she would die. I eventually accepted that she had gone but about2 months ago I fell into a deep depression and canít find my way out. I feel so alone we were together 62 years im sure this forum will give me comfort

Offline Jill

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Re: Introducing myself
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2021, 07:35:36 PM »
Hello Rod.  It must be so very hard to lose your wife after so many years together.  I lost my husband one and a half years ago.  He had prostate cancer for four years.  He was 70 years old. I was also in denial, so I understand what you are saying.  Even though he was so ill and all the evidence was in front of my eyes, I wouldn't give up hope until two nights before he died.  I was seriously depressed after he died and only the doctor could help me as nobody could bring my husband back. I hope you will think about getting some help for your depression too.  Just to get you through this time.  Please come here and talk to people who understand what you are going through. Jill

Offline Karena

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Re: Introducing myself
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2021, 11:13:19 AM »
Hi Rod -  :hug: I think while we are carers of some-one we love like that we need to have hope to help us care for them - we hope that  somehow it was the wrong diagnosis - or somehow an instant miracle cure will come along in time - the denial is part of that hope because we deny the inevitable even when it is spelled out for us in order to have hope and we keep that hope until the end. On top of that is the caring itself the endless drugs routines- trips to hospital appointments visiting while they are in there or a hospice and caring at home as well we would not have done differently of course but this  also takes a toll - they become our only focus beyond anything else including our own needs and thats natural but exhausting and when that focus  is taken away we are lost and have no focus nor direction - it does take time to create some kind of life - it takes time just to function again at all let alone do that

It will be ten years this year since my husband died - it sounds such a long time but in a lot of ways it isnt -  i was very depressed for a long time - i did get bereavement counseling through my GP which helped - not a cure there simply is no cure for grief we learn to live with it as it becomes part of who we are but over time not  all of who we are but counselling can  help you turn your thoughts into a more positive direction - i also found nature a great healer - you are never quite alone when you can hear a bird sing or see the wind in the trees  and i also though if i couldn't find a point in my own life i would live it for him and thats what i did really,  doing things he enjoyed things we didnt get chance to do but wanted too - going back to places we loved - i learned to think of it as taking him with me not ever cutting the bond and moving on leaving him behind  - but moving forward with him in a different way than i would if he was alive but still in a good way - all these years later i still feel he  is guiding me in what i do.   

Offline Rod

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Re: Introducing myself
« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2021, 09:50:57 PM »
I have talked to my doctor who I have known for a long time and is very understanding. He has prescribed me anti anti depressants which I am not keen to take so I am now searching for a councillor who I hope can sort my mind out.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Introducing myself
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2021, 12:58:13 AM »
I think that's a good move, Rod. Talking really does help and so does writing about those last times; about what happened, how you felt, the things you wish you had done or said and how you feel now. Somehow the act of writing the words does lighten the load, so if you want to, do that here, or write something at home. It is a way of unburdening that really helped me. So while you are trying to find a counselor, perhaps you could try that.

It helped me too, to revisit places I had been to with my lost loved ones. It helped bring back memories of better times that I had forgotten. I recall one trip where I could see my dad in my mind's eye in a particular spot on a particular day. I hadn't thought about that day in almost forty years and it made me smile, so I have found going to other places where we went together helpful too since. Reawakening the good memories does, I think, help lift the depression, but sometimes, you need a bit of help to bring them to the fore.

Wishing you well. X

 

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