So sorry for YOUR loss. Same age as me too. How long were you together if you don't mind me asking? We had 13 years.
It wont sink in my dear, not yet. My sweet Laura passed on 11th Feb and I'm still saying to myself countless times a day"She cant be dead... How can she be dead? She was only 40?" I'm only 7 weeks in myself and have no idea how long that will last. Seems to come in waves, just like the rest of the grieving. One hour at a time, one day at a time. I know everyone says this and I'm in a calm (rare) moment right now so I can be rational about it. It's true. All you
can do really. Just keep talking if you have people that will just let you talk about him and let you just cry your eyes out if you need too. You will need to at some point.
My friends are amazing like that but I had to explain a few things as some didn't know how to deal with me and obv breaks their heart to see me in so much pain. Tell them what you need from them if you can. Not easy ofc. PM me if you want. There is an amazing post somewhere on here called " letter to a friend" I cant seem to find it myself but I posted in on FB and have a copy if you would like it. Its a dark, harrowing read but it was very accurate to how I felt, what I am going through and explained what not to say, what to say and to let you talk about him and cry in front of them and more besides. Once you feel its ok to do that, it helps a little and you don't feel guilty about laying this on them. My friends understood what I was going through better as a result. Reading it upset them obv and I felt a little guilty for that but you will be helping them do SOMETHING to help you when there is nothing they can do to fix this for you.
Let me know if you would like a copy.
This could not be the worst time for us to lose our soulmates what with covid and being locked down. Do please try and stay in touch with as many friends/family as you can. Video calling really helps i find. Happy to chat if it helps.
I have been talking to the Cruse Bereavement charity every Friday and although i wanted the group session,(impossible now) it still helped. Early days but when you are ready, I'd definitely recommend seeking help of some kind.
This is the main site address.:
https://www.cruse.org.uk/Good luck in this horrible journey we are on my friend... Just survive... for now. x
Jason x