Sending You a warm welcome too. Your pain must be unimaginable -
We will support you any way we possibly can - feel free just to write, i found that in itself helped a lot -
I think there will always be questions when some-one takes their life and many will go unanswered sadly.
My only experience of suicide was a close friend and colleague -we knew he was having problems as he had tried several times before -we had, between us all tried to talk too him to find out why - there were theory's but no-one really knew. It was as though he was set on a path and couldn't get off - we were all watching him he was staying with a friend the police were aware of his condition as well but on the day he succeeded he bought train tickets with his credit card - and we all set off looking in the wrong place - meanwhile he sent a timed e-mail to the police -he was found less than fifty meters from home -
My point in telling you this, is that even when you do know the way some-one is thinking and feeling ,sometimes there is nothing you can do -and that for some, once they have decided to take that action that decision is not reversible. I have, over time, come to accept that with him, he had left instructions for his funeral - the songs but also his choice of clothing - an anti war t shirt - was to me a clue that the world had became too overwhelmingly sad -so maybe it wasn't a case of it being for a personal reason about his own life.
As a mother though i also understand that it must be so much more difficult, to lose a child at all is horrendous -to lose him that way, as i said at the beginning unimaginable