I have no answers for you i'm afraid, but I can say I do know how you feel, as I am in much the same position, but for me the social anxiety has taken over a long time ago. I had exactly the same feelings when I lost my mum 4 years ago, and I remember saying to my wife, I'm not crying, what the hell is up with me, but it did eventually hit me like a train. I've been told the numbness is the brains way of protecting us from the truth that we simply cannot handle yet, in time you will process this like i started to, but for me I dont think i truly grieved for my mum until 4 years later, when my wife died (last summer). Now i'd lost the two people in my life who i always counted on, who i could trust 110%, and the world came crashing down.
Life is a struggle for me, I work from home 99% of the time, so I don't get out much, and when i do all i feel is that people are looking at me and judging me, they probably aren't, I explained it to my GP recently, and said it feels like i'm walking into a room full of people with loaded guns, fingers on triggers pointing them at me, he's recommended anti-depressants, but i've not taken the plunge yet! I'm finding it very hard to meet with friends and even family who i'm very close to, and every day just gets that little bit worse. Not sure what the way out is?
And then yesterday, life just got that little bit harder again, our little bunny who lived in the house, who we bought as a bit of a baby replacement when IVF failed, passed away with heart failure, he lived to the ripe old age of 10years and 9months bless him, and I now have the horrible job of digging a hole in the garden. To some extend he's got me this far, something to cuddle, and he did give a damned good cuddle bless him, and now i've not even got that.
One of the hardest things for me is not having someone to love or care for, I met my wife at school, and for the 17 years I knew her I cared for her probably about 15 of those years, in one way or another, up to the point when I was doing pretty much everything for her, that almost transferred to the bunny who started being poorly just after she died, and now, again, i've nothing to look after any more. Everything i did, i did it for them, and its made me feel quite lost as to what is my purpose, people keep saying to do whatever i want to do, but i don't know what i want to do.
Probably like you, i don't know how much more of this i can take, and I know there are no magic answers. I hope this helps in some way, not sure it will really, and apoligies if I've hijacked your post a little, I read your post and had to sign up as I wanted to reply, so this is my first post.