I found friday nights were worst for a long time - even more so because it used to be such a good night - and i would be rushing off - looking forward to the weekend ahead and suddenly i was the last to leave work and jealous because every one else was going home too their familly and had all sorts planned.
Apart from the odd weekend camping, The empty house was going remain all weekend not just an evening i could pass with tv and reading, and i might not speak too anyone again until monday except the dog and the fish (yep i even talk to goldfish) The dog then also died which made it even worse - i had no reason to go out of the door if it wasnt to take the dog for a walk - so i tried to make friday a treat night - nothing major just a chocolate bar or a candlelit bath or a film and it did help to take the sting out a bit.I did have to move quite early on because i just couldnt afford to stay where i was but after his first stroke we had decided we needed to move anyway, so in my head it was easier - he would know where to look for me.I am now considering another move - but as i am sure he is with me in some way it wont be a problem.
8 years on i can fill the weekend, for some reason, probably also the presence of wildlife, i dont feel so lonely in the garden and its a big one that needs lots of work. - I did some free online courses, and i have got used too it but i still find i am the last out of the door at work on a friday night, and it isnt because i have suddenly found a love of my job,
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That doesnt mean my life isnt positive and i havnt done anything, i have travelled quite a bit and done some volunteer stuff ,but its still always coming back too an empty house -when it creeps back, and the thing is it isnt just an empty house -i had a friend lodging for a while, while their place was finished and it made no difference - its a house without him in it.
I watch a lot of tv - but actually i dont watch its just on for background noise most of the time and only a few programmes get my attention - but I have just learned to live with it and accept that it will always be the same but that doesnt mean life isnt worth living because it is, and if we live it, in a way where we try to be the eyes of our loved ones on the world as well as ourselves then thats the best we can do.