Simple question about our life.

[CindyMef]

Hi, a have one question.
What all people doing here?
Why we dont living with real life?

[Dee]

I am living in real life but real life does not want to live with me and my bereavement.

[Karena]

if you mean why do we look for somewhere on- line rather than turning to  the real world  then there are a lot of reasons to do with the death of a loved one why people dont get the support they need  in the real world. - Isolation, lack of professional care available ,difficulty expressing feelings to those around us,trying to be "strong" for others and not wanting to "burden" others for example -  So like any other self help group we support each other through our shared experiences. Also simply having somewhere to write, as the act of writing in itself is something which can help with the things we are experiencing.
WE could operate in the real world and have live support groups and regular meetings in a real world venue  but that would restrict who we could support not only in the physical sense of geography,transport, paying for venues etc  but in the way that some people suffer so badly with issues of confidence they would not be able to go too a live meeting like that - i am one of those people, others will get more from those kinds of groups than somewhere like this.
 
But make no mistake, those of us here have created strong bonds of friendship between us, just like friendships happen in any other group. We are all on a journey which started with a devastating loss of some-one we loved, and that is our "real world", one of pain and grief and we need time to heal and learn how to live with that pain before we can function again in what is the "real world" of other people.

We help each other along with this journey, then reach back and help those who have just joined it, as others did when we were at the beginning of it ourselves , regardless of where they live or their culture or any other differences real world society sees as a means to alienate or control some-one.

Intolerance and disrepect for the others here, is not allowed.
It isnt a dating site or anything else of that nature.
We dont allow links or people offering paid for services of any kind to post here and are not in any way commercially based ourselves.

It is a community, and it is a safe place for people to come when they are at  a vulnerable time in their lives, and the "real world" is trying to take advantage of that vulnerability in so many ways, and as administrators we will do everything possible to keep it that way.   

[Sandra61]

Hi,

I think what we are all doing here is looking for help and advice whilst going through one of the most terrible experiences and period of readjustment of our lives. People don't know how to cope when hit with such immense disaster and pain and upheaval in our lives. Loss leaves you in shock and confusion and upset beyond anything you have ever known and knowing how to deal with that is not easy or instinctive and not something you can get over in a short time and forget about. In fact it is not something you can ever forget about and will spend years getting over in most cases.

Why are we not living with real life? We are. That's the trouble. This is a starker reality than any we will ever have had to face before and we are here trying to get help with that. Real life? Not sure what you mean by that. If you mean why are we looking for help here rather than face to face with others, that would be because that has already been tried and failed. Most people don't know what to say to someone who has been bereaved and though they may ask how you are, if you tell them the truth that you are suffering and lost, they will not know what to say or do, so you tell them you are fine, but you aren't. Here, we find people who do understand and are willing to share what has helped them and so we get some help and feel less alone and isolated and that helps.

Perhaps you have lost someone and have found help around you that many of us have not managed to find. Perhaps you have not lost anyone and think we here are all making a mountain out of a mole hill and should just get over it and get on with life. Well, it's not that easy or simple and although I hope, if this is not something you have ever been through, it may be many years before you have to learn that, if you have anyone around you that you love, you may well find out the answer to that question the hard way one day.