Oh Sarah, what a bad time for all this to have happened to you, but the fact that you are still talking to us on here and considering how to move forward, even if that does feel like you are facing an impossible task, just shows how strong and realistic you really are at the bottom of you. Despite all the hurt and worry that is uppermost in your mind at the moment, you are thinking about the future and that is what your dad would want. You can't afford to worry about your husband or how he is feeling. You are responsible for your daughter, so just think about you and her.
Karena is right in everything she says. I worked in a school for some years and there was a boy there who was about twelve, who lived in a household with an abusive father. He settled arguments with his fists, because that was what he saw at home and he treated girls with a complete lack of respect. Children learn from what they see and emulate that, so your daughter needs to see that strength and purpose you are struggling to find in yourself at the moment. But she sees you trying and will learn from that. So keep that in your mind. Besides which, I am sure you never want her to witness another argument like the one you have described.
Other people's feelings are down to them. Your feelings are all you can manage. You know what you need to do and you know what your dad would advise, so get on and do it for you and for him and for your daughter. You are not the first and will not be the last to have to. I also now work with a doctor who is involved in helping women in abusive relationships, so I do know, others can and have done it. So can you. Stay strong. Stay purposed. I suspect your husband may end up respecting you more for that in the future and may re-evaluate his own behaviour in the future through this, so you will be doing good all round. Also, it is kinder really to him top start doing concrete things that indicate to him that you are closing the door on your past together and will not be changing your mind, so that he too will start to have to accept this and move on.
I know the memories of your dad can be hard and sometimes the painful ones will rise to the surface, but as time passes, the good memories come to the surface more and more. I think this is down to the growing acceptance that you will reach. Gradually, as you come to terms with the fact that you can't change anything that happened, you learn to just live with that pain and it recedes a little and you find yourself focusing on the good memories that, after all, made up the majority of his and your days. It is good to remember that fact. He made the most of the largest part of his life and you were a big part of that that he clearly valued hugely, so that should make you realise your own self-worth, so you need to protect you - if only to honour what your dad valued. He knew you were worth it, so you must grasp that too.
As for an afterlife, I don't have any doubts that I will see my lost loved ones again. I believe they live on. But it is a very personal thing. We all feel differently about it and time shapes that belief, so you will probably develop different feelings and beliefs about this throughout your life. I have. I miss the ones I have lost terribly, but I do believe their spirits live on and that, at least some of the time, they are around still in a different form. I have never stopped believing in them and get the feeling that although, they have moved on to a new kind of existence, they still believe in me, so I have to keep working to make the best of my life for them. It's hard, but it matters to me to keep going and keep trying so that I will be what they raised and wanted me to be. I don't know if any of that helps you, Sarah, but that's my two penneth on the subject! I really believe love never dies and our loved ones never really leave us. We may feel alone and feel like they are gone, but that may not be as final as we think and may not even be the real truth, so I keep an open mind and accept the signs I see and they bolster me up and support me on days when I feel low. If nothing else, the love they left in my heart will always be there, so that is my strength.
Thinking of you and wishing you luck..xx