Iain making your first post is a major step forward and Dave is right you are not alone with that feeling.
Please start a new topic so more people will see it and have more understanding of what has happened.I promise you will find support here, we are all at different stages of what is a horrendous journey, so we do understand how it feels.I came here five years ago, saying pretty much the same thing having googled for help in the early hours, and i am so glad i found this site just the very act of writing things helped even though it also sometimes ended with the damm bursting, people here are really lovely, and many i now consider as real friends.