Today the Spanish funeral company delivered James' ashes to the house and I had to pay for the cremation. It is all so different here and although I tried hard to learn all about it in advance, it is always going to be difficult to cope alone in a different language (I do speak it, but probably very badly!) I feel completely numb, nearly cried when signing the documents, but managed to hold it together. It really doesn't seem real and I have no idea what to do with the urn yet. James never really said, he just joked about things. It's only been 10 days, but it seems the world has moved on and I'm stuck. Feeling really sad and lonely, but I don't want to make wrong decisions.