Hello Now What and Autumn Leaves,
Your posts resonate with me also. My mum died a little over a year ago and I can assure you, you will gradually come to accept what has happened, but like you, for about the first six months or so, all I could think about were the awful weeks when she was in hospital and the gulit that she passed away in the time when I had gone home for a rest, exhausted, after staying with her all night and most of the day for at least three nights. I'm not sure I will ever be able to fully forgive myself for going home that day.
Since then, I have many bad, but also some better days. I am not surprised to hear what you say about friends not being very sympathetic. In my experience, i found least support from those from whom I might have expected the most and the most support from new friends from whom I might have expected the least. It certainly teaches you a lot about people and sorts out who are the ones you can rely on for a sympathetic ear and who you can't! I think often, people just don't know what to say, or don't understand, never having suffered a loss themselves, and some are just too selfish to want to worry about someone who is going through something so painful.
It is early days for both of you, so take your time and don't expect to feel much better any time soon. It's a long and difficult ordeal, but slowly, things will get a little better, as you come to terms with what has happened and learn to live with it. In the meantime, look after your every day needs and just do whatever helps. In the meantime, you will find understanding and support from tose of us who are in the same position here and on the Facebook page,
Sending hugs...