Four days

[Cairo]

Have you tried herbal tablets for the other nights? I haven't needed prescription sleeping tablets but have taken herbal pills to help a few times if I've had trouble getting off to sleep and find they help.

I wake early as well but you can survive reasonably well on 6 hrs a night. Worrying about not sleeping is often worse than the not sleeping itself.

The other thing I find helps is listening to a Guided Imagery recording I have. It's like a meditation especially for grief. I bought mine online but there are free ones you can download. Not for everyone but it helps me. Audio books sound good too.

Realised after the workmen left today that George would have given them a cold beer and walked round to see what they'd done. I may try that tomorrow but not sure if it's appropriate from me. What do you think?

[Hubby]

At the moment, without the tablets, there is only about 30 minutes of sleep. But I do want to get off them as soon as possible so all suggestions are welcome. I never was very good at sleeping before I lost Margaret and now slep doesn't come at all.

I'm sure the workmen would love a cold beer if the weather is warm ... Or perhaps a nice strong cuppa and a bacon butty 

[Karena]

Signing cards is one of those trip hazards we don't always anticipate,but I,m sure your daughter appreciates you putting from mum and dad it isnt silly at all.
See if you can find some reading material online about a grief counselling method called continuing bonds,it made a big difference to me.A lot of traditional theory works on the basis of breaking the bond this concentrates on the ways in which a bond changes but is not Brocken.
I think you need to consult your gp before giving up the sleeping tablets don't try and go cold turkey before you do he/she might suggest you cut down more slowly maybe half a tablet then gradually move to herbal teas, I have found they are an acquired taste but worth persisting.
I sleep downstairs so have acquired the bad habit of late night TV but starting to get back to the kindle now.

I loved the book les miserables but the musical had me in bits.Not that it matters as often at these things when the lights go up there are a lot of red eyes and Hanky's.

[Emz2014]

Chamomile tea is supposed to be good. I personally don't like the taste however Pukka tea do a flavour called 'relax' which contains chamomile. I quite like the flavour, might be worth a try.  Worst case you are rehydrated a bit :-)

Hot milky drinks or hot choc might be good too. Often it is creating a routine which signals to your mind and body you're preparing for sleep. (I adore frothy hot chocolate with a dash of Baileys :-))  xx

[Hubby]

I tried sleep without a tablet last night. Big mistake. I fell asleep at 2:30 and woke at 5. Thoughts were going through my head for hours then I had a major meltdown. My crying woke my eldest daughter who tried to reassure me but to no avail. I rang the Samaritans and got no help just someone who mostly stayed silent.

A lousy start to the day and it's my youngests birthday plus friends are on their way over to see me. I just feel like hiding away.

I can't go on like this.

[Emz2014]

Sending a big hug. The early days truly suck :-( you've always got us here, it's hard but you can do it, with lots of TLC and baby steps xxx

[Hubby]

Thanks emz.

I rang the CRUSE bereavement helpline ... "Sorry but all our counsellors are busy..."

In desperation I rang the Samaritans again. I've just spent best part of an hour pouring out all my problems. Not just the death of Margaret but the absolute mess it has left behind that needs dealing with. Yesterday I thought I was starting to manage to get things done but today is easily my worst day so far. 

[Karena]

 :hug:try yor GP i got counselling through them after the anti depressents sleeping tablets etc made me physically ill. I didnt want to go i didnt think it would help but it was the only option left and it did help in the end.
I imagine its more difficult in a house with others as you dont want to disturb them but rather than trying to sleep and lying there with all those things going round and round uselessly i just gave up and got up. One thing that helped deal with the thoughts and worries about everything that needs doing was to switch the light on keep a pen and notebook next to the bed, and write it down.If it was something that required action i would write possible solutions and then deal with it the followin day, if it was not then just writing a phrase or a feeling down would often then develop into something longer maybe a poem or a letter too him,writing letters helped even though he was never going to read them.

[longedge]

You've crossed the biggest hurdle by asking for help. Keep asking. I was offered help by our local hospice where Chris died and at first said no but then thank goodness decided to go to group meetings for recently bereaved. Once you've found the right place for you I'm sure it will help.

I went to the first meeting just about 3 months after Chris died and I remember one of the first things I said was, "I thought it was going to get easier but it's just getting worse." As I've said before, we're travelling this road together but I can now go some days and feel good from when I get up in the morning until I go to bed again at night. There are still days when it all hurts so much that I just want to crawl away and die but we've got our kids/grandkids to think about. We have to bear it for their sake 

[Hubby]

Thanks all. 

I've calmed down a bit now. Been out to the local market with my eldest and the dog and had a few conversations with people offering condolences. Even managed to sort out a little insurance matter that has been worrying me.

I am waiting for counselling off the GP. he put me down for it three days after Margaret's death. I got a letter this week saying ring for an appointment and booked an assessment over the phone which is next Thursday (the waiting time for a face to face assessment is four weeks!). Then I will have to wait for counselling to start. In the meantime the Samaritans are going to ring me in the morning.

My eldest has bought cupcakes and arranged sandwiches for my youngests birthday like Margaret would have done. Margaret would be so proud of both of them.

I'm very tired now. Hope all of you are having a good day. 

[Emz2014]

   keep at it with your little steps and rest when you need to.  Its exhausting.  So wonderful your children are pulling together    xxx

[Hubby]

Thanks emz. Not making many steps today I'm afraid.

Tried resting but couldn't sleep. My youngest came in with her bloke and my grandchild and also the mother in law for birthday nibbles. I had a bit of a cry when she opened the card and the present Margaret had already bought for her. Couldn't eat much, about half a sandwich. They left about half six and I've been trying to sleep. I'm so tired but I feel generally down, dizzy and nauseous. Too early to go to bed with tablet.

Looked at the local papers website before and was shocked to see the funeral of a 16 year old girl featured. She was in the next room to Margaret in the intensive care unit and I was really hoping she would pull through for them. Her family were lovely people.

Life is cruel. Death even more so.

I'm not coping at all.

[Emz2014]

It can sometimes feel like no progress or one step forward two steps back, be gentle with yourself.  Remember, even the little things are an achievement, like getting up and ready in the morning, walking the dog etc.  Its all good stuff, keeping you going, which will all accumulate and help you slowly keep going.  Hold on to those positives, however small they may seem.  Xx

[Cairo]

You may feel you're making no progress but you are. Just letting yourself experience your grief to the full and allowing yourself to cry is taking you along the road to healing, although it may not feel like it.

Talking to the Samaritans can be a help so well done for reaching out to them. I hope you find counselling helps you and you don't have to wait too long for an appointment.

Big hugs xxx

[Joann]

Hubby, sending lots of