we can offer virtual hugs which i know are not the same but are freely available for as long s you need and genuinly meant -
Anger is an odd one - i tended all my life to internalise it and make everything my fault and that gets mixed up with guilt and becomes depression - but what i did find was a long time after my husband died, the new person i had become, is more angry -
I found myself having to walk really quickly up the hill behind my house when new neighbours really annoyed me because that was the only way i could get rid of this weird (for me) energy that was angry.I found bottle banks had a whole new meaning - a place i could legitimately break glass I do think that the anger is there because of grief, even though it isnt directly linked too his death.
If this woman wasnt fit to drive and there is going to be a court case then it would be a mistake to approach her at all - it could jeopardise the case - you may be offered the chance to make an impact statement along with his familly and that might help you to make your feelings about what happened clear to her in a legal way.
Remorse is not always easy to judge whether it is real or not -
On the one hand - in a court situation some-one who is devastated by what they have done - may appear to not be remorseful because they are so afraid, because they have nightmares about it etc and they have to face up to what they have done and the people they have hurt - they may cut their own feelings off in order to stop themselves having emotional outbursts in court, they may have been prescibed prozac or something similar, which also affects their behaviour and makes them seem in control and without emotion.
On the other and some-one who is not really remorseful may put on an act to avoid a prison sentance -and regret only that they lose their licence etc - the oscar pretorious style of acting in court was very different too his behaviour outside it - so how would you know whether it was real remorse or whether lack of it in court wasnt how she really was feeling - only her future behaviour over future years will give you a proper indication of whether she is really remorseful.
I wonder whether there is a more positive way to channel anger should it arrive - I,m over the neighbours -but instead use the anger to campaign for other and more important things.
You dont say in what way she was unfit to be driving - if it was drink or drugs then thats a direction to focus anger in and turn it into something more positive so maybe some-one else will think twice about doing it and destroying another persons life.
But this isnt the time for that, - for now take each day a day at a time, come back and write - we will be here for you for as long as you need - but also i think maybe if you can talk to just one of your familly or one friend, and ask for that hug you will find that there are people who do want to be there for you still, they just dont know how too and are waiting for you to take the lead - i know you shouldnt have too, but it is all too often the way.