Bereavement Support Posts > Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room

I can't cope

(1/4) > >>

Jayne:
My darling husband Steve passed away on 23rd March aged just 51 years. he was struck down by a double stroke.
I miss him so much. We had 19 wonderful years together. Yes I have memories and they are locked in my heart. But I'd give anything to have him back.
Every waking moment I'm a gibbering wreck. I just howl. wander from room to room in a complete daze.
I'm on my own with no one to confide in. We only moved here in July 2015 so I don't know anyone.
My daughter lived 120 miles away and she has been a wonderful help travelling here to take me to the hospital when she could. She is at the end of her nursing finals and so is pretty full on herself but she took my dog back to hers so I could stay at the hospital.
The first stroke killed the left side of his brain. He couldn't speak, swallow, was asleep most of the time but occasionally got a little interaction like a nod of his head or a little squeeze of the hand during the first two weeks. He'd had a chest infection that despite three lots of powerful anti-biotics wouldn't go and so was bubbling thick flem and aspirating. I felt so helpless not able to ease him. Then the consultant said he'd had a brain stem stroke and there was no hope he was dying and that he was comatosed, I'm not so sure at one point. But the consultant said they had done repeated CT scans etc. If he survived he would be in a vegetative state.
The last four days were horrendous. The feed and fluids were stopped. I just watched him grow weaker and weaker until he passed away. That experience will haunt me forever.
I can't breath, the tears are forever bluring my vision.
We were two halves that only worked together.
I don't want to begin the next chapter of my life without him. I want my darling husband back.  :cry:

Norma:
Aw Jayne my heart goes out to you hun, how hard it must have been for you to write and tell us about your loss, all  i can only say to you at the moment hun, is take care of yourself you need your strength to get you through these early days. Xxx

 :hug:

Karena:
Five years ago I lost my husband in very similar circumstances and like you really struggled to function at all having adult children far away is the same situation too.We expect them to leave but we don't expect to have to ajust too that without our husbands too.
There is no shortcut on this journey and no exit for the roller coaster ride grief takes you on,but slowly you can create ways of coping.Its really difficult to get those last days and what happened in them out of your mind, eventually I started collecting good ones to replace them almost like a pack of cards when my mind showed me a bad card I took a good one out of the pack to replace it,but in the early days I also wondered round the house crying and unable to cope.Gradually a few minutes an hour a day at a time you will find a way to get through.
Finding this site was a massive help,just writing things down helps get things clearer and also there are lovely people here who are all grieving and do understand.

Cairo:
I feel for you so much. Xxx

My husband's last week was horrendous, although at that time I expected him to pull through. For the first 2 weeks after he died all I could see was him in this terrible condition. I found the best way to overcome it was to get old photographs of him looking young and fit and really concentrate on remembering him like that. It broke my heart to look at them but it has gradually helped to replace those awful images with more pleasant ones. Don't know if this would work for you. I still have flashbacks but they aren't as bad as a couple of weeks ago.

Have you tried using the chat room? It will provide company and everyone will understand what you are going through.

Joann:
 :hug:

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page