Thank you so much, it is impossible for me to blot out, and I don't want too, but the hardest part is not being able to share how am feeling with anyone, as am told not to dwell on it etc, but for me, and I learnt this with Dad dying 25 years ago I have to go over and over it, after Dad died I eventually had a nervous breakdown as I was trying to conform, I steeped myself to be different this time, but I underestimated people's expectations...
I do visit their grave anyway, I like to make sure it is clean, and looked after, I am having two fresh poses made for them this year, I truly.y don't know how I will bear it,...i have taken the week off and my intention is to go out on the two days to somewhere we went when I was a child, but I am suffering badly with anxiety and depression and can't always manage it. I named a star for them for Christmas, and I bought a plant called mothers day, on mother's day, I write an awful lot of stuff down, emotions, anger etc, I would not want people to have to put up with my childhood ramblings on here but I get what you are saying, I have many many happy memories, which of course are tinged with raw pain at the minute too, I love the laminated letter, maybe I could do that, or just write one and place it somewhere....