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Painful Reminders

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Joann:
So I am sitting on my lunch break at work yesterday when an advert comes on the TV about the new Motown CD and I thought Mum would like that and then it hits me all over again that she is gone!! Am laid listening to one of her favourite CDs, Dr Hook's Greatest Hits, and I long to laugh with her about the funny songs on there. Music was a big part of Mums world and when the Ventilator was switched off at the Hospital we put her favourite Christian song on repeat and left it playing by her ear. I have not been able to listen to that song yet even though it is a favourite of mine too. I know if I play it I will totally breakdown and I am never in the right place to do that. I do cry with my Sisters but then make myself pull it together to be strong and supportive of them. I can feel something building inside me that wants to drive somewhere on my own, play the song and totally give into my grief. Is this normal?  I feel like I am screaming inside with no outlet for it and without this forum where I can be totally honest, I would go mad!!

Karena:
Its five years since I lost my husband and there are still a couple of songs I can't listen too and yet many more that have been some comfort.when I got an mp3 I organised playlists one for happy songs one for sad songs,and sometimes I would play the sad ones knowing they would make me cry but needing to cry too.There's nothing wrong with crying and I have known people here before who have gone off somewhere to scream,nothing wrong with that either.I think its important that when you are on a roller coaster like this one of grief you are presented with so many emotions you allow yourself to go along with rather than suppress them.

Its many years since I lost my mum and I was taken by surprise just before Xmas by a Christmas carol.
The songs on my happy list are almost all Motown,so why not by the CD for yourself it might be a way to feel closer too her and if it makes you cry no harm will come of that.

Cairo:
I've sat in a car and screamed and yelled and I've played music that had me totally in tears. Think it's perfectly normal and made me feel better afterwards.

longedge:
Let's all scream together...

I was going through some old videos and in one of them Chris was filming me. She spoke whilst filming and it shook me to the core. I could always pick her voice out even though I don't hear well. Just for a second she was really there with me. Some music tracks take me back to certain moments in our life together but hearing her speak to me again has left me well - I don't know what?

Joann:
Thank you everyone.

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