I'm not really sure how to begin this post, I've never posted on any forum before for anything.
I guess I'll just write it as it is: a month ago, I lost my Grandpa and boyfriend with a day in between. My Grandpa on the 4th of February and my boyfriend on the 6th.
I find myself in a weird limbo of feeling like it isn't happening to me, I described it to a friend saying it's like in a movie when people see their worst nightmare or what it would have been like if they hadn't been born or something, but then it all goes back to normal once they've seen it. I'm waiting for my life to go back to normal and I know it won't but it's as though my brain is refusing to acknowledge that. I'm still checking my phone, waiting for my boyfriend to call or message.
We were together for just over two years, but had been involved for three and a half years in total. I really believed we were going to grow old together. He was 25 and I'm 20.
Both were incredibly sudden, with no on-going illness that gave us around them time to somewhat prepare. We all thought my Grandpa had the genetics to live well into his 90s, both his parents did so.
I miss my boyfriend so achingly. I find myself yearning just to lie next to him, to smell his hair.
Everybody keeps saying I have my whole life ahead of me, and I know that, but that doesn't make this any easier. I want my life to be with him.